Trends of the Month

So, this month has been pretty nuts so far. With me quitting my job (which seems like literally a million years ago. Holy shit.) and moving into my first apartment and spending basically every penny I earned over the summer in the span of about 3 weeks and then starting school and working on secret projects that I won't reveal just yet, I'm pretty exhausted. And to be honest, I'm pretty ready for bed, but I'm still up writing this blog post for all you people out there. Who needs sleep? I don't have a bedtime! Gosh, the things I do for you guys! So, I guess, because I don't really have anything in particular that I want to talk about, I'm just going to shove random information about this month down your little eye pupil sockets.

So, my dad is kind of strange when it comes to technology. Like, he likes to change his current location on Facebook to random locations that definitely are nowhere near Oklahoma. Apparently, he currently lives in Pennsylvania with Dr. Rachel. Who knew? Anyway, his new thing is that he likes to randomly text me about Olive Garden's never-ending pasta bowl for only $9.99 with endless soup and salad. Okay, for starters, why, Dad? Two, I'd love to take advantage of that awesome deal, but I'm kind of broke on account of you having not put any money in my checking account. And three, WHY? 

Ignore my chicken scratch!

I discovered this week that my new favorite thing to do when I'm not in class is scanning things in the Gaylord computer lab. It's a pretty sweet set-up in there because each computer has its own personal scanner, so you can just sit there scanning hand-drawn pictures of penises and dinosaurs (but definitely not dinosaur penises) without anyone judging you the slightest. Awesome, right? Also, these computers have every program in the books, so it's nerd Heaven. (This is definitely what the Gaylord College fee I pay is paying for, guys.) Also free printing. Loving it. LOVE-ING.IT.

Have you ever craved beer? Is that a thing? I'm not sure, but I previously had a passionate hate towards the taste of beer, and I have been craving a beer all week. Is this growing up? Is this my mind and body preparing for my 21st birthday in January? What is happening? Bruce always said that he'd eventually get me to enjoy the nasty taste of beer, and I always said "Nope, no way. I hate it. I'll only ever drink things that taste like fruit!" (And I'm sure that if he reads this he'll be snickering to himself about how he is ALWAYS right about me liking things in the future. Whatever. Go hangout with your farting cat!) Well, I need a beer, so if anyone wants to just make one appear in my hand right now, that'd be lovely. Just kidding. I don't break laws. I'm a good girl. (HA!)

I'm not going to be like every other blogger or writer and talk about how Miley Cyrus skanked up the VMA's Sunday night. Instead, I'm going to not think about it at all. I'm just going to leave you all with the image of Miley grinding her ass on Robin Thicke.. Sound good? (But seriously, can someone find out where he got those pants because I want them... on my bedroom floor.)

What would Billy Ray say? You're breaking his achy breaky heart all over again, Milers!

How To Blog Like A Pro

I've been blogging for... a while now. Like, not a long time, but long enough to know the in's and the out's of running an almost tolerable blog here on the World Wide Web. I know that you should probably not post things that are offensive to lots of people or anything that may come back to dig its very sharp teeth very deep into your rotund ass. Also, you should probably not post nudes unless you're willing to get creepy messages from strange men in the deep south of Nigeria... or if you're not older than 18. That may get you in legal trouble.

Anyway, I've learned some stuff, and I have come here today to share some of my novice wisdom with the rest of the blogging world. You ready for this?

1. You don't have to blog about what you think the world will care about. You should just write what you know or what you're curious about or whatever you're friggin passionate about. It doesn't matter. People really don't care. You just gotta do you. 

2. Commenting on other people's blogs will probably help other people find you. It's worked for me. Try it, and if it doesn't work, your blog must really suck. I'm sorry.

3. Post regularly or as often as you can. If your readers are familiar with your pattern for posting, they'll know when to visit your blog to see if you've updated. If you're so sporadic that you don't even know when you're going to sit down and write, how do you expect anyone else to? Let your blog be reliable for the people who actually read it.

4. Only write when you're ready to write and feel like writing. Never feel pressured to put out content. That'll just make you hate writing. And if you really love writing, you shouldn't want to do anything to make you hate it. I mean, would if you love macaroni and cheese, would you ruin it by putting mint toothpaste in it? Probably not.

5. Page views and fame and followers don't come overnight. Give it time. And, hey, you might actually have to work at publicizing your blog. Try different networking strategies. Utilize the websites you already use (i.e.. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Plurk, etc). You'll be surprised what happens just from that.

6. Tags! For the love all that is bright and beautiful and amazing, tag your posts with all the things that might be goldmines for traffic! Yeah, I tag almost everything I could possibly tag. Often times it's things like "Boobs" and "Penis flaps" or "Hot men" but it's usually pretty relevant.  I mean, take a look at what people search to find me-

If I took a shot every time penis showed up, I'd be pretty wasted. That's all. 

7. Don't be afraid to take a risk. Try it. See what comes out of it. You may be surprised.

So, there you go. Some blogging tips from a girl who's been blogging off and on for the last million years. Hopefully you'll actually try to take my tips into consideration so your blog won't suck so much. I'm just kidding. No I'm not. I'm sorry. Please don't take me seriously.

(Wait.. what?)

Make Way For Change!

Well, it seems I've survived a few more days of my junior year of college. Surprisingly, I'm not surprised. 

Between being a complete zombie through reading boring and useless and wasteful syllabi and trying to actually learn the things that are starting to be taught, I've kind of had one of those awesome "Ah ha!" moments. I actually am pretty sure those are called epiphanies, but I'm too A)Sleepy and B) Lazy to double check, so let's just keep it at "Ah ha!" moment. 

So, last fall, before I was forced to start this blog (which, look, Mel! I got addicted and can't stop or use correct punctuation ever!), I was dropping pounds and inches like they had old people shit on them. In total, I think I lost about 30-32 pounds in that entire semester. And I lost another 15 pounds in the spring. That's 65 total since May 2012. I know, I'm a badass. But, I guess, things kind of got put on the cooling rack towards the last part of spring semester and the beginning of summer. For reasons I will never ever ever ever discuss here on this blog because I really like living, my life kind of went headfirst into a pile of lard. I stopped exercising. I stopped eating the way I was eating before (you know, minimal and with lots of grapes and healthy things). Somewhere in there I went on BC, so my hormones were totally on the fritz. And the cherry on top: I was also working a lot. 

In laymen's terms, I forgot to take care of myself. And as a result, I put on some weight that I thought I'd shed for good. (I guess my life just can't be fabulous). And, as a bonus, I stopped looking at myself and seeing something that was amazing and sexy and confident. I even had other people telling me I had put on weight, and that made me feel really shitty. I didn't know what I looked like or what I weighed or how I was supposed to stop the madness. 

The other night, I was talking to someone, and I was in the middle of giving this amazing beyond amazing peptalk when I suddenly heard myself say something along the lines of "If you know what you want and want it bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes to get there." And it hit me that I wasn't just talking to this other person. This was something I needed to hear! 

So, because there is no time better than the present to completely turn your life around and make everyone wish they were you for just a blink of an eye, I've decided to put a stop to all this. 

Starting today, things are going to be wildly different. 

I've made a short list of goals for myself:

1. Fit into size 6 jeans by Halloween. (If you haven't noticed, on the side of my blog is a little description and this has been more of an ultimate goal for me since I started this thing.)

2. Be at 140 lbs by finals week of this semester (aka second week of December).

3. Wear nothing "Large" by Spring Break 2014.

4. Be at 130 lbs by finals week of the spring semester (aka second week of May). 

And you might be wondering how I plan on making this stuff happen...

1. Cutting out pasta indefinitely. (I think I had my fill over the summer. Thanks, mom). 

2. Joining a zumba class (like, going to do this like today)! 

3. No Sour Patch Kids indefinitely (prepare for withdrawal!)

4. Working out at least 5 times a week 

5. Doing things to keep my stress levels at a manageable level

I welcome anyone who reads this to join me in changing now. Let me know in the comments or wherever. 

We'll see how this goes. Stress and sleep greatly influence the way my weight fluctuates, so hopefully it won't be a frustrating process for me. I'm super excited to see what happens! Also, as a way to keep myself accountable, I'll be blogging once a month to update on happenings and progress. 

Wish this wonder woman some luck! 

I'm On A Bus!

One of the many perks to living in an apartment now (you know, rather than those stinky resident halls I was stuck with LAST year) is that I get to commute to class every single day by the bus. I know what you're probably thinking, and I agree one hundred and five percent. Me? On a bus? With no control over any of the driving or passengers that get on board? Yeah, I can barely stand it. Plus, it makes me kind of nauseous because CAN ANYONE SERIOUSLY DRIVE A STINKING BUS WITHOUT HITTING ALL THE POTHOLES AND JUMPING THE CURB?!?!

The University of Oklahoma is a very diverse school, and you're bound to meet people of all kinds of ethnicities and nationalities and sexualities and other identifying factors. That being said, there are a lot of people that I see on the bus that I can't help but be a little mesmerized (and also slightly scared) by. For instance, I got on the 9 am bus to get to campus for my 9:30 class, and half the bus didn't seem to speak English. Cool, you know. It's not like I was planning on eavesdropping on all y'all so I'd maybe have some good blog material. Whatever. I don't need you and your cool Korean backpacks. I've got my Prada backpack and my sketchers (please tell me someone gets this reference!).


Another great thing is that full-on anticipation that suddenly fills my britches as I wait for the vacant seat beside me to be filled by another person's questionably proportioned backside. I don't judge anyone based on their size, but I'm pretty sure that everyone has that instant fear that an overly bootylicious señorita or baby daddy is going to plant themselves down next to you in any kind of small seating area (ie. movie theaters, buses, airplanes, classrooms) and crush all your vital organs.

So, you know, I'm pretty much analyzing everyone who boards.

Me: *sees someone getting on the bus*
Me: Oh, do you got da booty?
Me: You doooo!
Me: *prays they take a seat somewhere else*
Me: *sees a very delicate Asian girl with absolutely no ass*
Me: You are worthy of this seat! Come hither!

But, as we all know, life isn't something you can always control. Sure, I didn't end up having my body crushed on that particular bus ride, but there's always another time. Then again, maybe that's a big man upstairs giving me motivation to make MY butt even more non-existent than it already is right now. (If that's the case, you're horrible, Morgan Freeman!)

Then it can get awkward because I could actually make conversation with the people around me, but why would I put myself through that kind of torture? I mean, I'm already awake at an unholy and definitely unchaste hour of the day (not quite the crack of satan's ass, but maybe somewhere between his thighs?) so why should I be expected to make my situation worse?

It's honestly probably the longest 10 minutes of my life.

So, this was only day one. I still have many more days of this to endure, and I really hope to survive all of those days. That'd be really nice.

Well, here we go junior year! 

Adventures in Cooking, Packing, and Gospel

So, the countdown to me leaving for school is inching towards 0, and I'm really starting to feel the heat in the kitchen (or maybe that's just me sitting in a house without A/C in Oklahoma in August). Between spending all my money on things I'm going to need in the near future and having to plan last moments with people before I'm gone for a while, it's a mystery to me why I haven't gone completely bonkers. Or, have I? Hmm. 

Yum! And that's definitely not beer. Nope. Shhh.

One of the things I had been aiming to do for a really long time (and I really mean a really long time ago, because I said I'd do this last winter) was cook a meal that Bruce would eat and possibly want to hug with his mouth. Now, I'm kind of a kitchen daydreamer. I always find awesome recipes on Pinterest and other blogs that I follow, but I
never actually cook any of them because I'm afraid of messing up and just being a terrible cook. So, I finally took hold of my life and cooked something (Of course, Bruce gave me all kinds of helpful pointers, so some credit must be given to him).

Sunday night, I made a very delicious lasagna soup for the two of us (oh, and Bruce made bread, but this blog isn't about his perfect bread, dammit!!). The recipe I used as a base came from Shugary Sweets. I'll admit I went a little crazy with the Italian seasoning, but it was still an orgasm for my deprived tastebuds. And I'm just going to toot my own horn for a moment because I'm pretty damn proud of myself for making something that didn't kill anyone. Yet. Hopefully me cooking things will become a regular thing I take a whack at because I'd really love to try some of the tasty things I have bookmarked in my "Recipes" folder. Also, I bet my flatmates wouldn't be too upset if I made them things every once in a blue moon.

But, you know, while I'm not being a total badass Italian in the kitchen, I have been thinking about packing my stuff because I'm moving in less than 48 hours. You see, I hadn't even started packing until about 30 minutes ago. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a little behind on the times. Sue me.

The thing about packing is that I mysteriously forget how to do it every single time I have to do it. Like, I just packed this shit up in May. How have I already forgotten how I managed to do that? It's only been 3 months! Suddenly it's like I don't know what to do with any of my stuff. You know, it also probably doesn't help that I buy things all the time.

I'm not too stressed about it because I always find a way to make things work. I have a gift, I suppose. I'm good at improvising when I suddenly can't remember what I'm actually supposed to be doing. Some call it bullshitting, but I'd rather be full of shit than be without all my prized possessions, ya know? So, if you're reading this and also working on packing your stuff and moving, here's my advice: wait until the last minute and end up throwing everything into random boxes and storage containers and suitcases and throw it in your trunk like you just don't give a flying fart in space. Because you don't.

In other news, sometimes I find really good music and consider sharing it with other people. This is one of those times. I've been having an affair with the super duper theatrical band Panic! At The Disco since like 2005, so it's no surprise that when they started releasing new music from their upcoming 4th studio album I immediately fell in love all over again and I got the musical tingles. Their first single "Miss Jackson" featuring Lolo was freaking weird and exciting and had a slight flair of Fall Out Boy throughout it (and that makes perfect sense because the two bands will be touring together this fall).

Today I'm talking about Sunday's release of "This Is Gospel." I was totally taken by surprise when I noticed the sudden flailing among the fangirls on Twitter and Tumblr. I can't even put into words how interesting this song is, and the video concept is crazy one-of-a-kind (as usual!). I'm not normally crazy about the electronic/ autotune sound, but Brendon Urie makes it sound good. Dude. I can't even put into words any feelings I have for this song or the band or the upcoming album, so I'm just going to leave you with it so I can get back to thinking about packing.

The Thing About Country Music

I've lived in Oklahoma my entire life, so I've pretty much been exposed to the great wonder that is country music since day one. Although no one in my family is gun-hoe about the genre of music, it's definitely made its way into our programmed radio stations on several occasions over the years. That being said, I kind of hate country music. Sure, I probably know all the lyrics to every Rascal Flatts song released before 2006, but that means nothing at all. Yeah, yeah, don't yell at me via hateful comments or whatever it is you trolls do. It's just not my thing.

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself every single time I accidentally find myself liking a song about driving a pick-up truck.

Basically all summer long, I've been bumming off of Bruce by convincing him he should trust me to drive his car and stuff when he's not around (Thank you best friend. I love you!). Now, Bruce has like six different radio stations programmed. Four of them are pop stations that play what's hot and what's a decade or two old. Another is a station that plays a lot of music that is so loud that you can't hear the super depressing lyrics about really sad things that people do and feel. Then there is one that really stands out. You may have already guessed what it is because why else would I be talking about Bruce's programmed radio stations. It's country music.

I'll admit, when there's nothing good on the other stations, I sometimes settle for country. But I'll never admit that to anyone else.

Bruce knows how much I am irritated by the hick-ish-ness that is country music, so when he wants to get on my nerves and be a little shit face (just kidding!!!!), he puts on country music and refuses to let me or anything change that.

So, when we're driving places, it starts totally fine. We're both just jamming to some tunes....

and then it happens. He changes the friggin station unannounced like he's king of the world! Like "Ooooh I pay for gas and I pay my bills and go to work and eat bologna so I get to control the radio!"

And what happens next can only be described as pure agony.

Jokes on him, though. Because I do actually like some of the songs he thinks drive me crazy. But sometimes it's more fun to make fun of them than to just sing along like a normal person.  

To be honest, this post makes no sense at all. I just wanted to try out this comic maker I found. 

So, do I like country music? No. Not at all. Never. In. A. Million. Years. I just like that song about the guy trying to drive home and boink his girl but she is all up on him and he's all over the road. Don't judge me. 

Why The Rush, August?

Wow. How prompt am I in welcoming August to 2013? Well, in all fairness, I have barely been home or mentally awake for the last couple of days, so don't hate. But seriously. I haven't even changed the page on my calendar. I didn't even see my family or bed or dog or a clean change of clothes for 2 days, so my bad for not being on my game!

In my little corner of the universe, August means 2 very important things: 1) Time for school to start again and 2) Time for me to spend way too much on cool school supplies I'll probably never use at all the entire 9 months that I'm in school. Yeah, I'll admit, even at the age that I am, my favorite kind of shopping is school supplies shopping, and it saddens me so much that college doesn't require me to have a big box of crayons and an assortment of Lisa Frank folders and pencils. Instead, I'm good to go with a few Five Star notebooks and a pack of pens. Maybe a mechanical pencil or two. This is just growing up, I guess.

In other news, August now means me moving into my *drumroll please* very first apartment! In about a week and a half, I'll be making the 2 hour trek back to the sometimes-too-dangerous-for-anyone Norman, Oklahoma to begin my junior year at college, and I'll be living with three other girls (let's see how long it takes before I go all Carrie on their asses. Just kidding) (Nope.) I think it's finally hitting
me that summer is coming to a close soon and that I'll be living like a legit adult. (Like buying groceries and cooking and having my own full-sized bed. Those are adult things, right?)

August also means me no longer being employed. Oh what fun it has been to not come home smelling like chow mein or having sweet and sour sauce in random places on my body these last couple of days! I mean, I am so grateful that I was able to make some good money this summer, but you know I am even more grateful that I don't have to worry about that shit anymore (that is, until I'm back to being poor and unable to afford my Sour Patch Kids addiction). SCREW YOU, CHINESE FOOD! 

So, August is going to be pretty crazy and awesome and wonderful and slightly sad and just a tad bit stressful. This pretty much guarantees me having a 5-star, Emmy-nominated meltdown (and me getting really drunk too) at some point, but that is something future Angela can deal with.  I mean, August has already been pretty awesome, so don't rain on my parade.

But, hey, I'll be blogging pretty much everything this month, so you won't miss out on anything that's clean enough for me to write about without having to put a "Not Safe For Work" warning on here. Just kidding. I'll even include that stuff here.