10 Tips for Incoming College Freshman

Probably. It's college after all.

With my newly engaged "oh-my-god-I'm-going-back-to-school-in-like-3 weeks" panic, it kind of hit me that  I'm not the only person preparing to pack up all the shit I thought I was finished dealing with when I finished unpacking it (finally) just a few weeks ago. I'm sort of a lucky one seeing as I've done this juggling act multiple times now. I mean, does it get any easier each year? No, not really, but I've definitely learned so much from just living and going with the flow of things. 

So, for any readers headed back to college for either the first time or the millionth, I've compiled some tips I think might be helpful in one way or another.

1. As you pack your stuff to move to your residence hall, apartment, or house away from where you normally reside or keep a majority of your things, try to clean your room. The cleaner you leave it when you head out the door, the happier you'll be when you come home for any weekends or major holiday breaks.

2. Don't overpack. I am definitely guilty of having overpacked my freshman year of college. I pretty much thought it was best if I took everything I could possibly need (aka everything I owned). Unless you're unsure of the climate changes in the city or state you're moving to, or are moving so far away from home that you have no other choice, don't take your winter clothes with you when it is still 110 degrees outside. Also, don't take clothes you don't wear. What? You think college is going to suddenly make you want to wear that skirt you bought a year ago that still has the price tags attached? No. If you haven't worn it since New Year's, don't take it. Donate it or sell it. As for books, movies, and other knick-knacks, be conservative,

3. Take advantage of amenities your tuition pays for. Most schools give every student a gym membership with their tuition. My school has tons of locations to play outdoor sports. If you want to avoid becoming sluggish or GASP! gaining the glorious freshman 15, I strongly suggest you go hog wild while you're not paying for these things right out of your own pocket. Also, if your school has a stupid fee for walking on the damn grass, you better walk on that damn grass every single day.

4. Don't pull all-nighters if you don't have to. Personally, I have never in my whole life pulled an academic all-nighter. I love my sleep way too much to even consider it. If you're like me, do your work ahead of time so you're not scrambling the night before to finish a 10 page paper comparing evolution and creationism. You'll thank yourself in the long run.


5. Make a friend in each of your classes. Not only will it make going to class more enjoyable, but you also won't feel like a total outcast if you don't already have friends in that lecture or lab. They are helpful for when you miss a class because you're too hungover or just too lazy. You can easily email or text them asking for missed notes, assignments, or any announcements the professor might have made during that class period. Plus, HELLO! Study buddy! 

6. Join student organizations at the beginning of the semester. Don't be the person who spends all their time in their room playing video games alone or studying. College isn't just about academics. It's also about making friends, making connections, and learning to interact with new people.

7. Orientation weekend is a goldmine! Free everything! Take advantage of any coupons, free shirts or other gear, free food, and learning about what's happening on campus. Also, local businesses might have booths set-up, so walk around and take a peek. Also, and I can't stress this enough, if there is a booth with free safe-sex resources, TAKE THEM ALL. Ain't nobody got time to a raise a baby or nurse an STD/STI. Even if you don't plan on having any kind of sexy times until you're married, take them. They may come in handy at some time for either you or a friend. 


8. You don't have to like your roommate, but you still need to respect them. Think common courtesy. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Don't be THAT roommate who makes tons of noise while the other sleeps or have unannounced sexy times without a little warning. Maybe make some kind of roommate agreement when you move-in to insure that things won't be a living Hell for both of you.

NOTHING MAKES SENSE ON MY BLOG ANYMORE! 

9. Majors are for schmucks (sometimes). If you don't have any idea what you want to major in or even what you might want to do after college, no sweat. Tons of college students go undecided until the very last possible second. Take your time taking the classes that sound most interesting to you, and then go from there.

10. Make it your own experience. 

So, hopefully some of those tips helped you out. And if not, I don't care. I'm just a junior in college with a blog. What do I know? 

T(H)RUST IN ME.

You know how there's that whole stereotype about guys only wanting to boink and honk and touch your ba-donka-donk? That they don't actually mean anything they say because they basically follow their penises into the great unknown hoping for a little of this and a tad of that? That they think, "If I say really pretty words, the words every girl really wants to hear, I'll get lucky tonight?" It's just a man following his biological instincts from ancient histories in the great wild.

Imagine my lack of surprise when I saw that my most viewed blog post of all time was my post titled "Bras, Penis Flaps, and Pinterest! Oh My!" That is what we call strategic blogging and tagging. I've learned over the course of my life that sex sells and sex gets attention. I have no idea if a majority of those views were from male readers or female readers, and that doesn't really matter in this instance. But I bet most writers would see that and say, "Oh, some perverted guy must have come across this on accident because there is nothing sexual about this post." (excuse me, why are men always the perverts? You know, girls get horny too. like seriously. omg put that penis inside me.)

I'm not like most writers (or really people), if you haven't figured that out yet.

Truthfully, I am fascinated by sexuality. I am fascinated by vaginas and penises and boobs and nipples and testicles and sex and how things work and why things work and why things feel good to some people and don't feel good to others. Yet, I am not a sexual person in the way that you'd think I was if I was just to just tell you that I am interested in the mechanics of sex and sexuality. You can ask just

about anyone I know, and they will back up that statement for me. I mean, my sexual encounters with people are private, so I won't be like exploiting my deepest and most intimate moments here on the Internet anytime soon. That'd be weird. C'mon.

But I can say that I have had guys send me dick pics. There I said it. And I have even had a guy try to seduce me by just whipping his willie out and expecting me to be sent into a sex-induced craze and the only cure is for me to do things with his penis (that guy found out that didn't work at all). I've had guys message me on Facebook (friends of mine) to tell me that my chest looks nice in a picture or whatever.

This whole thing seems kind of one sided, am I right?

It is. 

Seems that people have totally ignored the fact that girls can be guilty of wanting the "D" just as much as a guy wants the "V." Honestly, I wish I could have a blog completely dedicated to every single time I have thought about a guy's butt or penis or chest or anything like that because that blog would have a new post like every day. Sure, that might make me sound a little crazy. I know that.

But like, I'm not just interested in a guy's 7 wonders. You know, I like candles. And wine. And Italian food. And chances to put on a dress and go out and eat Italian food and then drink wine illegally because I'm still underage. I like feeling safe. I like bad kissing (on my part) and lots of cuddling. I like going places and having that urge to reach out and hold a guy's hand but not actually making the move because I fear we're not there yet. I like talking. I like sitting
with someone and just knowing that that is the damn best place to be at that moment.

I like trust. 

I like "I won't tell anyone about the porn file on your computer if you don't tell anyone about how I can't kiss to save my life."

But I also like a little thrust with my trust. I'm not asking for too much. It doesn't make me a slut or a pervert or a whore or anything else that might be insulting to someone who likes sexy things or the human body and its functions. I'm just a girl. I'm just willing to wait for what I want to be what's real.

And, just for those who might have found this thinking I was going to post naughty photos and talk about sexcapades, thinking about sex doesn't make you a pervert. It just makes you a person. 

Only The Good Die Young

Upon hearing the recent news of Glee star Cory Monteith's death, naturally, I was upset. Death is upsetting. The thing about celebrity deaths is that most people don't know how to immediately react. Some are crying into their pillows with their legs flailing in the air on top of them. Others say, "Poor thing" or "Well, it was bound to happen eventually" and go on with their days as they normally would.

Like a lot of young females around my age, I first caught a glimpse of Cory Monteith in the pilot episode of FOX's Glee after the season 8 finale of American Idol (anyone else remember the tragic results of that season? Yup. Kris Allen vs Adam Lambert). The show went off my radar for a while, but I eventually became one of those horrid Gleeks about a year later. I even performed some of the show's arrangements with my high school choir group. (I'm desperately trying to suppress the memory of singing "Don't Stop Believin'"just fyi). I stopped watching the show last fall after losing interest and not being able to motivate myself to illegally stream any of the episodes.

The first reports of Cory's death had a big "overdose" trailing after cause of death speculation, but, as of this very moment, it's still quite uncertain to the general public what caused such a promising star to suddenly kick his almighty bucket and turn out the lights for good. Whether it was a bad cocktail of a little bit of this and just a pinch of that or something else, seeing the news of Cory's passing still remains a reminder that no one (whether in the glimmer of fame and fortune or not) is immortal and out of death's sexy grip.

The dimples, for my lady readers. 

Famous names like River Phoenix, who died from a heroine/cocaine overdose outside Hollywood's The Viper Room in 1993 at the age of 23, and Heath Ledger, who died after taking a cocktail of prescription drugs in 2008 at the age of 28, are attached to both great talent and the sadness that drug
abuse brings to fans all over the world. Other names like Michael Jackson, Janis Joplin, Elvis, and sex goddess Marilyn Monroe also come coated in the bitter taste of the kiss of death with a hint of overdose.

The thing, though, is that people have this idea that if you're young, you can't die. Just look at that shitty saying that people are passing around like a bad case of mono. YOLO. You only live once. I mean, yes, it's true, but isn't it more appropriate to say, "You only die once?" Too bad YODO doesn't roll off the tongue quite like sounding like a douchebag does. That, and I doubt Kanye or Justin Bieber could concoct a clever rhyme or pun to go with it.

Wait. Let me try.

Yodo... Yo... do... Yo Dough. 

I just did, and I don't even rap, so erase that reason.

While I won't cry myself to sleep over Cory's death any time soon, my sympathies go out to the cast of Glee, Cory's family, and to his large, supportive group of loyal fans during this difficult time.

As for my readers, if I find out any of you overdose (either accidentally or intentionally) on any kind of substance and die, I will personally come kick your ass and kill you. Yes, I know what I just said. Laugh, peasants!

5 Lessons to Learn From: Monsters University

So, I finally got a chance to head out to Ye Olde Movie Theatre and see the highly talked about and anticipated Monsters University after wanting to see it since its release back in June.

Honestly, with the way that Disney and Pixar have been popping out sequels to classic movies to bring back a crazy case of nostalgia for most college-age young adults all over the world, I was a little unsure of what I was walking into. All of my friends have been raving about how good it is and even seeing it multiple times. I mean, these are people who can barely afford to eat something that isn't Ramen, so them spending $7 or more on multiple movie tickets to the SAME movie had to say something. But, still. I'm not THAT easily persuaded.

But, I have to admit that it was pretty damn adorable. I'm a spoiler-free blogger, so I won't give any of the details away for those who still haven't seen it and want to see it, but I definitely recommend it to any college-goers and families with children.

The great thing about Pixar is that they usually include a bunch of handy life lessons in all their films. MU was no exception to that. After walking away from the dark theater, I felt like I'd actually learned a thing or two. So, here are somethings you may take away from a couple of not-so-scary monsters. 

1. You don't have to be a college graduate or even college-educated in order to be successful and achieve your goals. 

2. Best friends can be found under the strangest circumstances and may be some of the biggest surprises  in this crazy life. 

3. Just because you're the "little guy" doesn't mean you can't do big things and show off some major self-confidence. 

4. Everyone is afraid of something. 

5. Sometimes not having a plan leads to the best things. 

Maybe some of those are silly or I'm just reading way too deep into a children's animated movie. I don't care.

The point of this is you should go check out Monsters University if you haven't already. Also, while we're having this great conversation, tell me in the comments some lessons you've learned from other movies. I'd love to hear some of them! I don't bite (often).

Sad People Love Fast Food

Sure, we all know that I've only been in the business of dishing up the fast food delicacies for almost two months, but, even in such a narrow timeframe, I have already witnessed the most depressing trend that could possibly exist. Sad people (and really, let's just be honest and just say people in shitty moods in general) are attracted to fast food. I'm not even exaggerating this at all. It's probably the greatest love story/ romantic rendezvous that has ever occurred.

Droopy faces and fat thighs come waddling in through the front doors at around 6 or 7 o'clock in the evening like clockwork. With distant eyes and exhausted minds, these people aren't hard to miss. It gets even better when they approach the counter and you have to ask them how their day was and they just release this long, heavy sigh and let their eyes flicker under the florescent lighting. You really wish you could just walk away and wait for someone else to help the customer, but it's really too late.

Me: How are you doing today, m'am?
Customer: *long, heavy sigh*
Me: One of those days, huh?
Customer: You have no idea.
Me: *fake laugh that everyone knows is totally fake and actually a deep-seeded cry for help*

As someone who interacts with these people on a regular basis, it can be a little, shall we say, weird. You want to treat them just like any other customer that walks in the door but it's like they are dragging a sack of steaming cow dung behind them and it kind of really smells bad. The dark, thick cloud of suck hanging in the air is just the cherry on top of a super awesome 5-hour shift.

One time, when I was working the evening shift at work, a woman came in during a dead time and I was working the counter. She seemed so out of it. She would mentally tune out reality and then, once she'd returned back down to earth, apologize for being so out of it. Finally, when I was finishing up her order by offering her sweet and sour sauce, she started telling me all about how she'd recently had her mother put in a nursing home and how exhausted she was and how she really didn't care what she put in her body as long as it was food. I could have probably fed her cold food, and she would have been fine with it. I'm not that mean, though.

WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT? MY JOB IS ALREADY KIND OF DEPRESSING AS IT IS SO WHY WOULD YOU BRING MORE SADNESS TO IT? 

But, let me tell you, the best part (and I really meant THE best part) of this whole ordeal is when you tell them to have a nice day and they just roll their eyes like they have just given up all hope in ever feeling a real feeling ever again.

I witness people give up on life and any possibilities of them actually enjoying their cold sweet and sour chicken every shift I work. I'm probably going to need years of therapy after this. Or I'll finally have the inspiration for my first great American novel.

But that's kind of the same thing, right? 

It's About Time, July

Hello, July! Nice to see you again! 

How crazy is it that it is already July? Wasn't it February just yesterday? I'm pretty sure it was... Oh! How time flies when you're busy stuffing your face with Sour Patch Kids, blogging aimlessly about things that people didn't know they wanted to read about, listening to Lana Del Rey on repeat, and losing sleep over things beyond your years! I guess this just means we're this much closer to my 21st birthday extravaganza (aka me getting drunk off half a glass of wine and talking about how my eyes hurt).

Too-da-loo, Arschloch!

With only 6 weeks left of summer, I have decided that it's time to get shit done. I've been sitting on my
butt letting time pass me by like "Adios, Von Trapp Family Singers!" while everyone else seems to be making huge leaps into the great alps of Switzerland to avoid the Nazi troops! I want to take July on with such great vigor that it has no idea what's suddenly ransacked its pantries! I have absolutely no idea what I just said, so I hope someone out there does, by the grace of God. This is what happens when you blog on like no sleep at all. 

Between slaving away at my above minimum wage part-time job and sleeping on Bruce's couch, I've lost track of all that I wanted to accomplish this summer (the stuff I mentioned here). So, I decided to take a ride in my time machine and see how I'm doing on that list.

1. Finish the book I've been reading for the last 2 months (The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, for the curious reader)
2. Dip into my feminine side and do some of those DIY Pinterest craft things (which would require me to actually get a Pinterest account to begin with. Ugh.)
3. Get a job (shut up)
4. Lose 7 pounds / go down a jean size
5. Hit up the library and check out the erotica section and read it in public without an ounce of shame [Oh Past Angela....]
6. Learn to use chopsticks
7. Throw out all the high school stuff I've been hoarding for the last million years
8. Immerse myself in historic Oklahoma culture by doing one of my favorite things: going to museums
9. Find a new song to be stuck on that isn't "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys (♫ Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..♫)
10. Take it easy

Not so bad, actually! 

As you can see, my expectations are quite low. I'm sure they could be lower, though. 

The funny thing, though, is that I've actually accomplished a lot in the last month and a half that I've been bebopping around this town. You know, things that aren't even on that list above. Things I hadn't even thought about back in mid-May. How strange is it that things happen when you're not waiting for them to happen? 

I think that's just life.