Bras, Penis Flaps, and Pinterest! Oh My!

I've been without a stable Internet connection, so I'm not going to apologize for not blogging in a little while. My lovely readers should just suck it up until I'm back to having some reliability in my life again. Sound good? It better. 

So, I was going to write a post last night at like 1 am, but I guess that didn't happen because it's now much later than that and the only clue I have as to what I was thinking about blogging about is this Post-It that says "Home is where the bra comes off." So, I guess that's something I'll be writing about today. Thanks, Past Angela. 

Bras are miracle workers. Depending on your physical build and the style of bra you prefer to buy, those suckers can make you look too damn hot for the party. But I think every girl will agree that there is a time in the day when all you really want to do is take the contraption off and let the pups breathe a little. For me, that's normally around 10 pm because I have a low-tolerance for holding myself back. So, you know, it can be pretty torturous for me in particular if I'm out and about fully dressed too late into the night. I mean, what if it just fused to my body from wearing it for too long? That'd be the worst, guys! 

All I'm saying is don't be too surprised if I suddenly announce at your quant get-together at 2 am that I'm going to take off my bra. I'm not trying to be sexual or anything just because what kind of mood do you think I'm in if I'm that desperate to take off an item of clothing? That's life and I plan on living mine without anything fused to my chest. 

You're welcome, ladies. 

I was with Bruce the other afternoon and it was really hot out, so, naturally, he was complaining about

how he made a poor choice in wearing jeans (I was sensible and stuff because I'm smart). Then I had an idea of sorts.

Me: If I was in your situation, I'd just use that penis flap on your underwear and air my penis out to keep that area not gross and sweaty. 

Him: *probably some comment about how I called it a penis flap* 

Him: I would so do that. 

It'd just be a great and mighty "Screw you!" to the summer heat! Whip out the schlongs and let them bask in a nice breeze from down yonder like hey-oh!

In other news, I got a Pinterest account. I know, I know! But, guys, it's really not as bad as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I might actually like it more than Tumblr. Yeah, I said it. Plus, I think it has brainwashed me or something because suddenly all I want to do is buy bubble bath and drink alcoholic beverages made with fruit while painting random objects in my room. That girl gene must have just kicked in or something. 

Wait, this is what being a girl is like?