It's About Time, July

Hello, July! Nice to see you again! 

How crazy is it that it is already July? Wasn't it February just yesterday? I'm pretty sure it was... Oh! How time flies when you're busy stuffing your face with Sour Patch Kids, blogging aimlessly about things that people didn't know they wanted to read about, listening to Lana Del Rey on repeat, and losing sleep over things beyond your years! I guess this just means we're this much closer to my 21st birthday extravaganza (aka me getting drunk off half a glass of wine and talking about how my eyes hurt).

Too-da-loo, Arschloch!

With only 6 weeks left of summer, I have decided that it's time to get shit done. I've been sitting on my
butt letting time pass me by like "Adios, Von Trapp Family Singers!" while everyone else seems to be making huge leaps into the great alps of Switzerland to avoid the Nazi troops! I want to take July on with such great vigor that it has no idea what's suddenly ransacked its pantries! I have absolutely no idea what I just said, so I hope someone out there does, by the grace of God. This is what happens when you blog on like no sleep at all. 

Between slaving away at my above minimum wage part-time job and sleeping on Bruce's couch, I've lost track of all that I wanted to accomplish this summer (the stuff I mentioned here). So, I decided to take a ride in my time machine and see how I'm doing on that list.

1. Finish the book I've been reading for the last 2 months (The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, for the curious reader)
2. Dip into my feminine side and do some of those DIY Pinterest craft things (which would require me to actually get a Pinterest account to begin with. Ugh.)
3. Get a job (shut up)
4. Lose 7 pounds / go down a jean size
5. Hit up the library and check out the erotica section and read it in public without an ounce of shame [Oh Past Angela....]
6. Learn to use chopsticks
7. Throw out all the high school stuff I've been hoarding for the last million years
8. Immerse myself in historic Oklahoma culture by doing one of my favorite things: going to museums
9. Find a new song to be stuck on that isn't "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys (♫ Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..♫)
10. Take it easy

Not so bad, actually! 

As you can see, my expectations are quite low. I'm sure they could be lower, though. 

The funny thing, though, is that I've actually accomplished a lot in the last month and a half that I've been bebopping around this town. You know, things that aren't even on that list above. Things I hadn't even thought about back in mid-May. How strange is it that things happen when you're not waiting for them to happen? 

I think that's just life.

Would You Like Fries With That Shake?

Today, I guess I'm taking a page from my blogging pal Brandon's book by doing a second post! See, I knew getting hooked on his blog would lead to some self-improvement. (Go check out his blog, by the way. He's an awesome writer and a pretty cool cat).

Yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty slow day. I spent a good portion of my shift doing things to
make myself look busy (like cleaning and taking frequent trips to see if the bathrooms were looking okay). There was literally no one customers in the lobby at one point so I decided to refill the sauce packet dispenser thing by the register. As I was neatly arranging packets of soy sauce and hot mustard into this metal bin, my manager was behind me taking his meal break and talking on the phone. I was trying to listen in on his conversation, but he's just a little too Hispanic for me to do that if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I started thinking about whether he always wanted to be a manager at a fast food chain restaurant. Like, when he was growing up, did he have any other ambitions or dreams for his future career? An astronaut, maybe? At what point did he realize the only thing going for him was fast food employment?

Honestly, I thought about asking him because I really was curious. I talked myself out of that, though, as to not seem to nosy.

But, seriously, think about it. People who work in the ultra-glamorous career field of fast food once wanted to do something else with their lives to support themselves. It wasn't like they grew up telling their parents that they wanted to run their own Taco Bell later in life. I wonder what it was that made them think that was all they had going for them. I mean, I don't entirely hate my job, but I would never consider working there for an extended amount of time. There is a point when I actually want to pursue my dream career, ya know?

Don't get me wrong, though! The fast food industry isn't a horrible career field to work in! I am not saying that anyone should be ashamed for being a manager at a Wendy's or Burger King. After all, it's an industry that will probably never die as long as America is still fat and sassy. I'm just considering the fact that these people had ambitions other than fast food.

How do people get stuck with jobs they might never have anticipated? 
How do people get jobs they really love and enjoy and keep them?

Those are things I often think about because I am in college working on a degree that might or might not take me where I want to be in 10 years. I mean, even now, I sometimes lose sleep at night thinking about whether I even enjoy writing anymore. What does that say about me or my future? 

I don't know. I'll just leave that for Future Angela to figure out.

You and Me and My Erotica

As of recently, having discovered where the real money is in writing, I've decided I'm going to pursue the great art of erotic paperbacks (yes, you know, the ones grocery stores stick in the corner by the magazines and coloring books). Despite my own lack of sexual allure, I've read enough Hancest (Hanson incest) fan fiction and I've spent like 4 years on Tumblr, so you know, I know about the sex. It really can't be that hard if you really think about it. I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey, which originally was written as Twilight fan fiction, got published and has sold like one bagillion copies. So, what I'm thinking is I have to get in on that sweetness because money.

So, you might be thinking that I am totally not the person to be writing such filth, and I definitely agree with you on that. Like, what do I know about romance or making the sex happen? I'm 20, perpetually single, and only attract guys who religiously watch Doctor Who. That's not enough credibility to make me a candidate for such a career, but seriously.

So, what's my game plan? Well, pretty much, I have a four-step plan for my success as an erotica novelist.



1. Read lots of bad erotica to get a grasp on plots and writing techniques. Plus, I really need to find out where all the hot Fabio-esque models are, so I can have the absolute best men on my covers. That's
probably the real key to making money off these pieces of literature. Just saying. The secrets are in the lush, blonde locks. 

2. Create a cool, sexy pen name because there is no way I'm putting my name on this trash (plus, my name just wouldn't look good on a book. That's why I need to get married soon and get a new last name. WHERE ARE MY SUITORS?). Once I have a cool, sexy pen name, the rest will come magically.

3. Write erotica. Yeah. Pretty much. And, honestly, I'd probably write all of them while listening to the only sexual song of my youth. Yes, I'm talking about "Digital Get Down" by NSYNC. Shhh. I know. I don't know why I was allowed to listen to that either.

4. Make so much money they actually have to bring it to my house in wheelbarrows and put it in those cloth sacks with big green dollar signs on them. I'll finally be able to afford to over-compensate for my lack of sexual allure with tons of money.

See? It's totally a great plan.

The sad thing about all this is that I would probably write some really fantastic erotica if I actually sat down and tried. So, maybe one day. Perhaps, sooner than anyone thinks.

But you may never know because of my sexy, cool pen name. Then again, I might give myself away with all the references to the steamy cage scene in LOST. But that might just be coincidental. You don't know my life!

Excuse Me, My Brain Just Farted

I have hit a dilemma I can't bullshit my way out of. This unforeseen obstacle is a stress-induced writer's block. With less than 4 weeks left of the semester, I know I'm not the only one getting a little steamed from all the heat in the kitchen. I still have tests, papers, financial burdens, and the hive full of busy work still left on my plate before I can even begin thinking about summer vacation. But my stress ruins my life. It causes every single bit of me to go on standby (ie. sleep, weight loss, creativity, and my control to not eat everything in sight) for as long as I have this heaviness weighing down on my shoulders.

For my professional writing class, I have to write a 2000 word short story as the final assignment. While my peers are eager to scribble down plots and characters that would honestly be more appropriate for full-length novels or sagas, I am sitting there with a brain that has a horrible case of flatulence. Nothing is going on upstairs. I have nothing going for this assignment. I've turned to probing my friends, family, and Internet strangers for some kind of idea for this damn assignment, but even that doesn't help. I have tried listening to music, watching movies, reliving episodes of Degrassi before it turned into really ripe shit, and going out and doing things but nothing will unfreeze my brain. WHERE IS THE OVERRIDE BUTTON WHEN I NEED IT?  This is really embarrassing for me.


This doesn't happen to me. I am the queen of bullshit.

I am preparing to have a career that is centered around my ability to make shit up, and it scares me that
my stress might just jeopardize my dream of being cool enough to win a Poe bust like John Green.

Maybe if I just continue to listen to the song previews on the iTunes top 200 list, the creative energy of people who are creative for a living will just start seeping out of my ears and into my computer so that I can get this assignment started.  I mean, if the Jonas Brothers were able to come up with that pile of shit they call a new single, why can't I concoct a plot for this stupid short story? Maybe if I had type 1 diabetes, an Italian wife from New Jersey, and an ego bigger than Texas I'd be able to work some literary magic here. POOOOOOOP! 

I cry, and my tears are literary masterpieces I can't write.

But seriously.

Oh, well. Maybe I just need to take up heroine or whiskey like all the great writers of history to make wonderful stories and slowly kill myself as a bonus result.

Just kidding. Kids, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Eat your veggies. Keep your hands out of your pants.

The Perks of Being Unemployed

Just kidding, you broke-ass hooligan. 

There aren't any real perks to being unemployed. Well, that is, unless you count being able to sleep in and not put on a bra freaking ever. Also, there's that whole not having responsibilities thing that is kind of nice every once in a while. I mean, who doesn't want to spend 9 hours straight playing the Sims 3 (with all the lovely expansion packs, mind you)? I've been technically unemployed since February of 2010, and I'm a little nervous to even say that because I'm not sure if 5 months of working for my dad counts as really being employed (but for the sake of resumes and job applications, it totally does).  And every summer since then, I've said that I was going to finally get a job and be all self-sufficient or whatever. Needless to say, I never did that. Well, this summer, I'm out of excuses. 

One of my close friends recently announced that she'd scored a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot job at Hobby Lobby (it's the Heaven of craft stores, if you're not familiar with it), and I suddenly had this moment of clarity. If this girl could get a "real" job, then so could I. So, since then, I've been doing a lot of anti-Angela things. I updated my resume, for one. Of course, with my lack of experience and usable skills (because, apparently, the ability to blog, memorize the lyrics to Hanson's Christmas album, and find streams of TV shows and movies online aren't real skills in the real world), I have a pretty bland resume. It's whatever, though.

Yeah, but I need money, so I'mma pass on the play thing.

I also started looking for jobs. That's both stressful and boring to do. Like, Target, for example, will only let you fill out an application online if you plan to start within 60 days of submitting the application. Well, for someone like me or anyone who has more than 60 days until they'll even be in the city of the job, it's frustrating. Like, what if I go to apply closer to the end of the semester, and they aren't looking for workers for the summer anymore? Now, I don't really know how a large corporation could run out of jobs, but I'm sure that in my case they would. Yes, I am paranoid about this.

I realize, though, that a lot of stupid people have jobs, so, realistically, a smart person like myself should be able to easily get a minimum wage job, right? RIGHT?

So, why am I finally putting my foot down about this rut of unemployment? Well, I need money, and that's pretty much the only reason that counts. Also, maybe something about experience and building connections and resume fillers.

Anyway, we'll see where my job search takes me. Hopefully, right into a giant pile of wonderful money! (okay, a girl can dream!) 

5 Reasons To Live Another Day

Every once in a while, I need reminders as to why I should want to be alive today and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and so on. It's been a pretty hectic week for me (shit, it's been a pretty hectic life for me),  and I feel like this would be the perfect time to remind myself of why today is worth living. (Note: I am not suicidal).

1. I still haven't found the song I'd dance to at my wedding. Yes, I am a total sobfest when it comes to talking about me getting married one day (hopefully), and I, sadly, am going to say that the most important element for me for my wedding is the music that I will dance to at the reception. I'm not talking about DJ vs band or if we'll do the traditional chicken dance. There's the first dance as a married couple and then there's the father-daughter dance and I'm sure Julia will have some ridiculous dance routine choreographed for us to dance (or even worse, she'll have us do the choreography from Silver Linings Playbook). It's a constant search for me. Every new artist or album I discover, I'm listening for songs that are potential. But, deep down, I know that song selections can't be made now (when I'm single and have no suitors pounding on my door to get in), but that it could just come naturally when I find the man I want to marry.

I mean, look at that face. 

2. John Green is writing a new book. So, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a huge John Green fan. Like, I'm probably in love with him. Just a little bit. No, but seriously. (John Green, my body is ready). And over the last, I don't know, 6 months, it has become known that he is working on a new book. For me, that's like the best thing ever (even though I know he's going to rip my heart into a million tiny pieces and then bake those pieces into a delicious pizza and then eat the pizza). And I know that this book might not come out for years.  But, if this book is anything like The Fault in Our Stars or Looking for Alaska, this is so worth the wait. Also, book tours. That's another thing that is worth the wait.

3. Chocolate cake. And not just ordinary chocolate cake. I'm talking about the kind of chocolate cake that has the chocolate mousse stuff between the layers with a little with cherry or raspberry filling and chocolate shavings on top with a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry. Yes, I know, that is very specific, but this is a very specific kind of chocolate cake. Shit, I just found out this cake has a name. Black Forest Cake! I'm totally not a "OMG CHOCOLATE!" kind of girl, so the fact that I love this chocolate cake as much as I do is kind of a miracle. Like, if you made me this cake or bought me this cake, I'd probably love you... forever (or just until you make me hate your guts for making me fat).


4. Bad mix-CD's. So, I am notorious for making bad (like very bad) mix-CD's for my friends and for Julia. I think these bastards are amazing when I'm making them, but once I give them to their proper recipients, I realize how truly shitty they are. Like, it's just a bunch of music that only I could possibly like. But I love making them. I love picking out songs that I like and thinking that someone else might be able to relate to the lyrics or dig the awesome bass in an instrumental. I find so much joy in doing it, and I have no idea why. There are still so many CD's I need to make. I won't give up on finally finding a song that someone actually loves to the point they have it playing on repeat. 

5. Fear. Simple as that. It's the fear of missing out on stuff because I can't be there. My sisters' wedding days. Samuel's high school graduation. Traveling to other states and countries. Drunken nights that I'll regret the next day. Concerts and meet&greets. Learning how to use those damn chopsticks. Graduating from college and having that "oh shit" moment when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing. Getting married. Having children of my own. Becoming an aunt. And a crap load of other moments and happenings that I would never get to experience if I were to just give up on living. These are the moments that make life worth it, and what kind of shitty person would I be if I missed out on the good stuff?

Life, living is just totally worth it. Even if it is simple, silly things that keep you moving forward, you still have something to look forward to. I can't run away from everything, so instead I'm going to find something to run towards.