Would You Like Fries With That Shake?

Today, I guess I'm taking a page from my blogging pal Brandon's book by doing a second post! See, I knew getting hooked on his blog would lead to some self-improvement. (Go check out his blog, by the way. He's an awesome writer and a pretty cool cat).

Yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty slow day. I spent a good portion of my shift doing things to
make myself look busy (like cleaning and taking frequent trips to see if the bathrooms were looking okay). There was literally no one customers in the lobby at one point so I decided to refill the sauce packet dispenser thing by the register. As I was neatly arranging packets of soy sauce and hot mustard into this metal bin, my manager was behind me taking his meal break and talking on the phone. I was trying to listen in on his conversation, but he's just a little too Hispanic for me to do that if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I started thinking about whether he always wanted to be a manager at a fast food chain restaurant. Like, when he was growing up, did he have any other ambitions or dreams for his future career? An astronaut, maybe? At what point did he realize the only thing going for him was fast food employment?

Honestly, I thought about asking him because I really was curious. I talked myself out of that, though, as to not seem to nosy.

But, seriously, think about it. People who work in the ultra-glamorous career field of fast food once wanted to do something else with their lives to support themselves. It wasn't like they grew up telling their parents that they wanted to run their own Taco Bell later in life. I wonder what it was that made them think that was all they had going for them. I mean, I don't entirely hate my job, but I would never consider working there for an extended amount of time. There is a point when I actually want to pursue my dream career, ya know?

Don't get me wrong, though! The fast food industry isn't a horrible career field to work in! I am not saying that anyone should be ashamed for being a manager at a Wendy's or Burger King. After all, it's an industry that will probably never die as long as America is still fat and sassy. I'm just considering the fact that these people had ambitions other than fast food.

How do people get stuck with jobs they might never have anticipated? 
How do people get jobs they really love and enjoy and keep them?

Those are things I often think about because I am in college working on a degree that might or might not take me where I want to be in 10 years. I mean, even now, I sometimes lose sleep at night thinking about whether I even enjoy writing anymore. What does that say about me or my future? 

I don't know. I'll just leave that for Future Angela to figure out.

You and Me and My Erotica

As of recently, having discovered where the real money is in writing, I've decided I'm going to pursue the great art of erotic paperbacks (yes, you know, the ones grocery stores stick in the corner by the magazines and coloring books). Despite my own lack of sexual allure, I've read enough Hancest (Hanson incest) fan fiction and I've spent like 4 years on Tumblr, so you know, I know about the sex. It really can't be that hard if you really think about it. I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey, which originally was written as Twilight fan fiction, got published and has sold like one bagillion copies. So, what I'm thinking is I have to get in on that sweetness because money.

So, you might be thinking that I am totally not the person to be writing such filth, and I definitely agree with you on that. Like, what do I know about romance or making the sex happen? I'm 20, perpetually single, and only attract guys who religiously watch Doctor Who. That's not enough credibility to make me a candidate for such a career, but seriously.

So, what's my game plan? Well, pretty much, I have a four-step plan for my success as an erotica novelist.



1. Read lots of bad erotica to get a grasp on plots and writing techniques. Plus, I really need to find out where all the hot Fabio-esque models are, so I can have the absolute best men on my covers. That's
probably the real key to making money off these pieces of literature. Just saying. The secrets are in the lush, blonde locks. 

2. Create a cool, sexy pen name because there is no way I'm putting my name on this trash (plus, my name just wouldn't look good on a book. That's why I need to get married soon and get a new last name. WHERE ARE MY SUITORS?). Once I have a cool, sexy pen name, the rest will come magically.

3. Write erotica. Yeah. Pretty much. And, honestly, I'd probably write all of them while listening to the only sexual song of my youth. Yes, I'm talking about "Digital Get Down" by NSYNC. Shhh. I know. I don't know why I was allowed to listen to that either.

4. Make so much money they actually have to bring it to my house in wheelbarrows and put it in those cloth sacks with big green dollar signs on them. I'll finally be able to afford to over-compensate for my lack of sexual allure with tons of money.

See? It's totally a great plan.

The sad thing about all this is that I would probably write some really fantastic erotica if I actually sat down and tried. So, maybe one day. Perhaps, sooner than anyone thinks.

But you may never know because of my sexy, cool pen name. Then again, I might give myself away with all the references to the steamy cage scene in LOST. But that might just be coincidental. You don't know my life!