Would You Like Fries With That Shake?

Today, I guess I'm taking a page from my blogging pal Brandon's book by doing a second post! See, I knew getting hooked on his blog would lead to some self-improvement. (Go check out his blog, by the way. He's an awesome writer and a pretty cool cat).

Yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty slow day. I spent a good portion of my shift doing things to
make myself look busy (like cleaning and taking frequent trips to see if the bathrooms were looking okay). There was literally no one customers in the lobby at one point so I decided to refill the sauce packet dispenser thing by the register. As I was neatly arranging packets of soy sauce and hot mustard into this metal bin, my manager was behind me taking his meal break and talking on the phone. I was trying to listen in on his conversation, but he's just a little too Hispanic for me to do that if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I started thinking about whether he always wanted to be a manager at a fast food chain restaurant. Like, when he was growing up, did he have any other ambitions or dreams for his future career? An astronaut, maybe? At what point did he realize the only thing going for him was fast food employment?

Honestly, I thought about asking him because I really was curious. I talked myself out of that, though, as to not seem to nosy.

But, seriously, think about it. People who work in the ultra-glamorous career field of fast food once wanted to do something else with their lives to support themselves. It wasn't like they grew up telling their parents that they wanted to run their own Taco Bell later in life. I wonder what it was that made them think that was all they had going for them. I mean, I don't entirely hate my job, but I would never consider working there for an extended amount of time. There is a point when I actually want to pursue my dream career, ya know?

Don't get me wrong, though! The fast food industry isn't a horrible career field to work in! I am not saying that anyone should be ashamed for being a manager at a Wendy's or Burger King. After all, it's an industry that will probably never die as long as America is still fat and sassy. I'm just considering the fact that these people had ambitions other than fast food.

How do people get stuck with jobs they might never have anticipated? 
How do people get jobs they really love and enjoy and keep them?

Those are things I often think about because I am in college working on a degree that might or might not take me where I want to be in 10 years. I mean, even now, I sometimes lose sleep at night thinking about whether I even enjoy writing anymore. What does that say about me or my future? 

I don't know. I'll just leave that for Future Angela to figure out.

5 Reasons To Live Another Day

Every once in a while, I need reminders as to why I should want to be alive today and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and so on. It's been a pretty hectic week for me (shit, it's been a pretty hectic life for me),  and I feel like this would be the perfect time to remind myself of why today is worth living. (Note: I am not suicidal).

1. I still haven't found the song I'd dance to at my wedding. Yes, I am a total sobfest when it comes to talking about me getting married one day (hopefully), and I, sadly, am going to say that the most important element for me for my wedding is the music that I will dance to at the reception. I'm not talking about DJ vs band or if we'll do the traditional chicken dance. There's the first dance as a married couple and then there's the father-daughter dance and I'm sure Julia will have some ridiculous dance routine choreographed for us to dance (or even worse, she'll have us do the choreography from Silver Linings Playbook). It's a constant search for me. Every new artist or album I discover, I'm listening for songs that are potential. But, deep down, I know that song selections can't be made now (when I'm single and have no suitors pounding on my door to get in), but that it could just come naturally when I find the man I want to marry.

I mean, look at that face. 

2. John Green is writing a new book. So, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a huge John Green fan. Like, I'm probably in love with him. Just a little bit. No, but seriously. (John Green, my body is ready). And over the last, I don't know, 6 months, it has become known that he is working on a new book. For me, that's like the best thing ever (even though I know he's going to rip my heart into a million tiny pieces and then bake those pieces into a delicious pizza and then eat the pizza). And I know that this book might not come out for years.  But, if this book is anything like The Fault in Our Stars or Looking for Alaska, this is so worth the wait. Also, book tours. That's another thing that is worth the wait.

3. Chocolate cake. And not just ordinary chocolate cake. I'm talking about the kind of chocolate cake that has the chocolate mousse stuff between the layers with a little with cherry or raspberry filling and chocolate shavings on top with a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry. Yes, I know, that is very specific, but this is a very specific kind of chocolate cake. Shit, I just found out this cake has a name. Black Forest Cake! I'm totally not a "OMG CHOCOLATE!" kind of girl, so the fact that I love this chocolate cake as much as I do is kind of a miracle. Like, if you made me this cake or bought me this cake, I'd probably love you... forever (or just until you make me hate your guts for making me fat).


4. Bad mix-CD's. So, I am notorious for making bad (like very bad) mix-CD's for my friends and for Julia. I think these bastards are amazing when I'm making them, but once I give them to their proper recipients, I realize how truly shitty they are. Like, it's just a bunch of music that only I could possibly like. But I love making them. I love picking out songs that I like and thinking that someone else might be able to relate to the lyrics or dig the awesome bass in an instrumental. I find so much joy in doing it, and I have no idea why. There are still so many CD's I need to make. I won't give up on finally finding a song that someone actually loves to the point they have it playing on repeat. 

5. Fear. Simple as that. It's the fear of missing out on stuff because I can't be there. My sisters' wedding days. Samuel's high school graduation. Traveling to other states and countries. Drunken nights that I'll regret the next day. Concerts and meet&greets. Learning how to use those damn chopsticks. Graduating from college and having that "oh shit" moment when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing. Getting married. Having children of my own. Becoming an aunt. And a crap load of other moments and happenings that I would never get to experience if I were to just give up on living. These are the moments that make life worth it, and what kind of shitty person would I be if I missed out on the good stuff?

Life, living is just totally worth it. Even if it is simple, silly things that keep you moving forward, you still have something to look forward to. I can't run away from everything, so instead I'm going to find something to run towards. 

Dream A Little Dream of Me

When I dream, I feel half awake. It kind of feels like I can control what's happening inside my head, but, at the same time, feel the warmth of my sheets or detect that the pillow definitely needs to be flipped to the cooler side. I'm not sure if this can be considered lucid dreaming. My dreams are always a little weirdly realistic. I used to not be able to remember my dreams at all, but then, over time, I suppose, I began to remember more and more.

There is something weird about my dreams, though. If there is a man in the dream that seems to be the one I am "with," I can't see his face. I can hear his voice... It's always a familiar voice. And I know who he is. Sometimes he's someone that I know or have known in the past. Sometimes he's a celebrity figure. Other times, he's just a figment of my imagination.  It's just that when I look up at him, I am blinded. It's like someone somewhere turned the lights right into my eyes. I have to shield myself or look down. It's kind of like when you wake up from a deep sleep, and you reach over to check the time on your phone, and you're just blinded by the illumination of the screen. What does this mean? What does it mean to not be able to look into the eyes of someone in a dream? It's frustrating at times.

I can feel myself yearning to be able to look at this figure in the dream. I know what he looks like. Why can't I just see him with my eyes?

I decided to look into this repetitive element in my dreams. Here's what I found:

According to a bunch of google searches on the subject, I found that being blind in a dream means you are refusing to see the truth about a situation. You are just rejecting something about yourself that you have denied for so long. This makes a lot of sense to me. If I can't see this man's face, maybe I just haven't come to terms with feelings for him... or I'd just rather pretend that they don't exist. To look at him would be to acknowledge that there is a spark or a true desire for him. Then, light, apparently, means clarity or discovering the truth. So, it kind of goes hand-in-hand, right? 

I think it will be interesting when I can finally look him in the face in my dreams... If that ever happens, I'll have to let everyone know.

I think it's fascinating that dreams can just be dreams... and other times, they can act as goggles to see all the weird inner-workings of the mind. It's like your mind wants to reveal secrets and stuff to you while you're asleep. The mind is really cool like that.