John Green is Pizza

UNF. John. Stop with that face!

I've done a really fantastic job so far of not letting the nasty beast that is my unending devotion and love for all things pertaining to John Green out and about on my blog (although, I did mention him somewhere on here last spring, so it hasn't been completely locked up). He's a literary god in my book. He makes me feel all the things. He makes me cry, and my tears become John Green books. And, boy, don't get me started on his sexy incapability to blink like a normal human being. (As you can see, I really love him with all my book-loving heart). Plus, it really doesn't help my case that he's one sexy young adult author.

So, if you're not in-the-know about NYT bestselling author John Green, let me send you through a crash course real fast. John published his first novel Looking for Alaska in 2005 and his second novel An Abundance of Katherines in 2006. Then in 2007, he and his brother Hank started this super cool and nerdy YouTube channel called Vlogbrothers. Soon they both had immense amounts of Internet fame and life was awesome. Then in 2008, John published Paper Towns. John co-wrote a book called Will Grayson, Will Grayson with David Levithan, which was published in 2010, and then he came out with the heart-wrenching tale titled The Fault in Our Stars in early 2012. Meanwhile, he's still making YouTube videos and has two kids.  He's won some cool awards and did a thing at Carnegie Hall. Cool beans. Now we're ready to proceed.

So, back in like, I don't know, 2010, John made a video titled "JOHN GREEN IS FAT." *click the link and watch please* In this video, as you saw if you actually clicked the damn link like I told you to, peasants, John addresses that he'd put on some weight and then makes fun of his deepest and most real love for pizza. (I mean, who doesn't love pizza? I don't think I've ever met someone who would hate me enough to tell me they hated pizza. Then again, I only surround myself with lovers of pizza).

Anyway, on with this blog that probably won't mean anything to anyone. 

John Green, while a complete walking/talking product of the World Wide freaking Web, is pizza. Without a doubt, this man bleeds pizza sauce. His skin is cheese. And that adorable puff he often wears on the best of days is Pizza John Crust. He even dressed his first born son, the heir to the pizza throne, in a pizza costume once. Basically, if this doesn't convince you of what John really is, then I don't think you're looking or believing in yourself hard enough.

(Damn, I really hope John never reads this because *STALKER ALERT!*)

Just kidding. I found and stole this from Tumblr

Plus, I have been fortunate enough to get my hands on an alternate cover for The Fault In Our Stars. It reveals so much about John. I'm not quite sure why it didn't get chosen as the final cover. Shame on you, Dutton Books. Don't you know a man's true colors when you see them? Dammit.

So, basically, we have learned a few things today. John Green is pizza and will forever and always be pizza. Also, I am batshit crazy. I need help. Now.  This is probably worse than the several years I pined over the Jonas Brothers.


Okay, I think that's my cue to stop writing. 

Why Not You?

Every once in a full moon, I like to go on FaceBook and see if I can remember the names of all the people I graduated high school with. Sadly, I can't remember like a fourth of them. So, when someone I had totally forgotten existed pops up on my feed or in the search results unexpectedly, I instantly have to know what happened to them since I apparently forgot they were a person that I even knew or just really a person at all because my mind is special. Yeah, so some investigation happens. It's kind of very entertaining to find out who got fat, who is still a narrow-minded buttface (no, seriously, his face looks like a butt), who dropped out of college, and who got really freaking hot once they abandoned that awkward high school charm that I swear is sewn into private school uniforms. (Or maybe my tastes just changed).

My question is, for those that look like they've got it all together, why not you? Why didn't I fall in love with you when you were in my second hour chemistry class sophomore year? Why weren't we closer than you just copying my algebra 1 homework 5 minutes before class? Why didn't we hangout more when we had the chance instead of just passing each other in the halls everyday like "whatever"? Why did it take me 2 years of being away from you to realize how awesome you are? 

I can't say exactly why I would even want to consider anyone I went to high school with as a regret, but some nights I'm just left to wonder why things weren't different.

I mean, I have theories about why things were the way they were back then, but I'd rather not get into that stuff in this particular post.

The honesty behind this post is that I wouldn't want anything to be any different from the way it was because the people that are on the computer screen or under a name in my phone didn't exist in 2007 or even in 2011 when we all graduated together on a sticky May evening. There were reasons I didn't
want to be closer to them, and they didn't want anything to do with me.

Also, these people that I'm talking about, they really don't have it all together. Instagram posts and tweets don't mean anything. The Facebook statuses about whatever might be happening in the lives of these people don't mean anything. Trust me, I've faked my way through my own fair share of social networking sites (I'm kind of a pro, no big deal).

John Green once wrote, "Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are…People are different when you can smell them and see them up close, you know?"

So, as to not crush my dreams that the people I went to high school with are actually good people deep down passed their rotting livers, I think I'll just avoid being in the same room with any of them until our 10 year reunion (when hopefully I will have a classy, tall-dark-and-handsome kind of husband and a great body) so that the realities of these people don't have to be a thing.

Wait, I bet you're thinking that that's not the way to live. You're right. Thankfully, I don't know any of these people anymore, so it's not like I'm making up stories and lives for people I actually see on a daily basis.

But I'm still going to wonder and ask myself "what if..." and "why not?" and "how come?" because I'll never truly be satisfied with my life choices. But I have what I have and I had what I had. The people that I call my friends today are way better than anything I could have every imagined, and that should be enough.

 It is enough. 

Excuse Me, My Brain Just Farted

I have hit a dilemma I can't bullshit my way out of. This unforeseen obstacle is a stress-induced writer's block. With less than 4 weeks left of the semester, I know I'm not the only one getting a little steamed from all the heat in the kitchen. I still have tests, papers, financial burdens, and the hive full of busy work still left on my plate before I can even begin thinking about summer vacation. But my stress ruins my life. It causes every single bit of me to go on standby (ie. sleep, weight loss, creativity, and my control to not eat everything in sight) for as long as I have this heaviness weighing down on my shoulders.

For my professional writing class, I have to write a 2000 word short story as the final assignment. While my peers are eager to scribble down plots and characters that would honestly be more appropriate for full-length novels or sagas, I am sitting there with a brain that has a horrible case of flatulence. Nothing is going on upstairs. I have nothing going for this assignment. I've turned to probing my friends, family, and Internet strangers for some kind of idea for this damn assignment, but even that doesn't help. I have tried listening to music, watching movies, reliving episodes of Degrassi before it turned into really ripe shit, and going out and doing things but nothing will unfreeze my brain. WHERE IS THE OVERRIDE BUTTON WHEN I NEED IT?  This is really embarrassing for me.


This doesn't happen to me. I am the queen of bullshit.

I am preparing to have a career that is centered around my ability to make shit up, and it scares me that
my stress might just jeopardize my dream of being cool enough to win a Poe bust like John Green.

Maybe if I just continue to listen to the song previews on the iTunes top 200 list, the creative energy of people who are creative for a living will just start seeping out of my ears and into my computer so that I can get this assignment started.  I mean, if the Jonas Brothers were able to come up with that pile of shit they call a new single, why can't I concoct a plot for this stupid short story? Maybe if I had type 1 diabetes, an Italian wife from New Jersey, and an ego bigger than Texas I'd be able to work some literary magic here. POOOOOOOP! 

I cry, and my tears are literary masterpieces I can't write.

But seriously.

Oh, well. Maybe I just need to take up heroine or whiskey like all the great writers of history to make wonderful stories and slowly kill myself as a bonus result.

Just kidding. Kids, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Eat your veggies. Keep your hands out of your pants.

5 Reasons To Live Another Day

Every once in a while, I need reminders as to why I should want to be alive today and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and so on. It's been a pretty hectic week for me (shit, it's been a pretty hectic life for me),  and I feel like this would be the perfect time to remind myself of why today is worth living. (Note: I am not suicidal).

1. I still haven't found the song I'd dance to at my wedding. Yes, I am a total sobfest when it comes to talking about me getting married one day (hopefully), and I, sadly, am going to say that the most important element for me for my wedding is the music that I will dance to at the reception. I'm not talking about DJ vs band or if we'll do the traditional chicken dance. There's the first dance as a married couple and then there's the father-daughter dance and I'm sure Julia will have some ridiculous dance routine choreographed for us to dance (or even worse, she'll have us do the choreography from Silver Linings Playbook). It's a constant search for me. Every new artist or album I discover, I'm listening for songs that are potential. But, deep down, I know that song selections can't be made now (when I'm single and have no suitors pounding on my door to get in), but that it could just come naturally when I find the man I want to marry.

I mean, look at that face. 

2. John Green is writing a new book. So, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a huge John Green fan. Like, I'm probably in love with him. Just a little bit. No, but seriously. (John Green, my body is ready). And over the last, I don't know, 6 months, it has become known that he is working on a new book. For me, that's like the best thing ever (even though I know he's going to rip my heart into a million tiny pieces and then bake those pieces into a delicious pizza and then eat the pizza). And I know that this book might not come out for years.  But, if this book is anything like The Fault in Our Stars or Looking for Alaska, this is so worth the wait. Also, book tours. That's another thing that is worth the wait.

3. Chocolate cake. And not just ordinary chocolate cake. I'm talking about the kind of chocolate cake that has the chocolate mousse stuff between the layers with a little with cherry or raspberry filling and chocolate shavings on top with a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry. Yes, I know, that is very specific, but this is a very specific kind of chocolate cake. Shit, I just found out this cake has a name. Black Forest Cake! I'm totally not a "OMG CHOCOLATE!" kind of girl, so the fact that I love this chocolate cake as much as I do is kind of a miracle. Like, if you made me this cake or bought me this cake, I'd probably love you... forever (or just until you make me hate your guts for making me fat).


4. Bad mix-CD's. So, I am notorious for making bad (like very bad) mix-CD's for my friends and for Julia. I think these bastards are amazing when I'm making them, but once I give them to their proper recipients, I realize how truly shitty they are. Like, it's just a bunch of music that only I could possibly like. But I love making them. I love picking out songs that I like and thinking that someone else might be able to relate to the lyrics or dig the awesome bass in an instrumental. I find so much joy in doing it, and I have no idea why. There are still so many CD's I need to make. I won't give up on finally finding a song that someone actually loves to the point they have it playing on repeat. 

5. Fear. Simple as that. It's the fear of missing out on stuff because I can't be there. My sisters' wedding days. Samuel's high school graduation. Traveling to other states and countries. Drunken nights that I'll regret the next day. Concerts and meet&greets. Learning how to use those damn chopsticks. Graduating from college and having that "oh shit" moment when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing. Getting married. Having children of my own. Becoming an aunt. And a crap load of other moments and happenings that I would never get to experience if I were to just give up on living. These are the moments that make life worth it, and what kind of shitty person would I be if I missed out on the good stuff?

Life, living is just totally worth it. Even if it is simple, silly things that keep you moving forward, you still have something to look forward to. I can't run away from everything, so instead I'm going to find something to run towards.