John Green is Pizza

UNF. John. Stop with that face!

I've done a really fantastic job so far of not letting the nasty beast that is my unending devotion and love for all things pertaining to John Green out and about on my blog (although, I did mention him somewhere on here last spring, so it hasn't been completely locked up). He's a literary god in my book. He makes me feel all the things. He makes me cry, and my tears become John Green books. And, boy, don't get me started on his sexy incapability to blink like a normal human being. (As you can see, I really love him with all my book-loving heart). Plus, it really doesn't help my case that he's one sexy young adult author.

So, if you're not in-the-know about NYT bestselling author John Green, let me send you through a crash course real fast. John published his first novel Looking for Alaska in 2005 and his second novel An Abundance of Katherines in 2006. Then in 2007, he and his brother Hank started this super cool and nerdy YouTube channel called Vlogbrothers. Soon they both had immense amounts of Internet fame and life was awesome. Then in 2008, John published Paper Towns. John co-wrote a book called Will Grayson, Will Grayson with David Levithan, which was published in 2010, and then he came out with the heart-wrenching tale titled The Fault in Our Stars in early 2012. Meanwhile, he's still making YouTube videos and has two kids.  He's won some cool awards and did a thing at Carnegie Hall. Cool beans. Now we're ready to proceed.

So, back in like, I don't know, 2010, John made a video titled "JOHN GREEN IS FAT." *click the link and watch please* In this video, as you saw if you actually clicked the damn link like I told you to, peasants, John addresses that he'd put on some weight and then makes fun of his deepest and most real love for pizza. (I mean, who doesn't love pizza? I don't think I've ever met someone who would hate me enough to tell me they hated pizza. Then again, I only surround myself with lovers of pizza).

Anyway, on with this blog that probably won't mean anything to anyone. 

John Green, while a complete walking/talking product of the World Wide freaking Web, is pizza. Without a doubt, this man bleeds pizza sauce. His skin is cheese. And that adorable puff he often wears on the best of days is Pizza John Crust. He even dressed his first born son, the heir to the pizza throne, in a pizza costume once. Basically, if this doesn't convince you of what John really is, then I don't think you're looking or believing in yourself hard enough.

(Damn, I really hope John never reads this because *STALKER ALERT!*)

Just kidding. I found and stole this from Tumblr

Plus, I have been fortunate enough to get my hands on an alternate cover for The Fault In Our Stars. It reveals so much about John. I'm not quite sure why it didn't get chosen as the final cover. Shame on you, Dutton Books. Don't you know a man's true colors when you see them? Dammit.

So, basically, we have learned a few things today. John Green is pizza and will forever and always be pizza. Also, I am batshit crazy. I need help. Now.  This is probably worse than the several years I pined over the Jonas Brothers.


Okay, I think that's my cue to stop writing. 

Say Yes To Pizza

If I have any true beliefs, I can firmly say that I believe in not dieting. I grew up on diet plans and supplements, so I know what it's like to have to be stuck in an abstract box of bland food and zero chance of anything close to resembling pizza. I'll never tell anyone to diet, and I will never go on another diet as long as I live. With all the crash dieting and the promotion of suspicious pills being sold by doctors and "health" distributors today, I just don't see how anyone even wants to be on a stinkin' diet. I would much rather eat pizza than diet. And, sure, people will read this and say that they need to lose weight or that they are happy eating rabbit food or doing a juice cleanse. All I have to say to those people is simply this: no. 

No. NO. NO. NO!

Like, do you even know what a diet is? Did you fall asleep during middle school health class on the day when they talked about nutrition and exercise and why the body needs food? Because I'm starting feel like no one really knows anything about the definition of a diet when they decide to "go on one," whatever that means. I just want to take a moment to look at the definition of "diet" according to whatever popped up when I googled "define diet," okay?

Hmm...

No, wait. That's not right...

That's better! 

For some stupid reason, people have forgotten that a diet is what you eat. That's it. Your diet is whatever the hell you stick in your mouth. So, yeah, that pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust you ate entirely by yourself last night was definitely on your diet. And that Chinese takeout you indulged in? It's on your diet too! But guess what! Those fruits and vegetables and 8 glasses of water you're supposed to be getting every day are also on your diet. Do you see what I'm getting at? Like those taco shell commercials, you can have both.

So, from now on, maybe people should stop this nonsensical "dieting" thing and just eat what is good for you while still eating some of the things you love. With a steady exercise regime and a positive attitude, you'll be way happier than if you were starving yourself or popping pills.

Your body needs food to function, guys. That's all I'm saying. Like they sing in that song about crossing the street on Barney & Friends, "I always stop, look, and listen, when I walk across the street." Do the same thing when your stomach cusses you out for not feeding it when it needs food.  Always listen to what your body is saying. It's full of secrets.

Also pizza. Sometimes. Always.