Say Yes To Pizza

If I have any true beliefs, I can firmly say that I believe in not dieting. I grew up on diet plans and supplements, so I know what it's like to have to be stuck in an abstract box of bland food and zero chance of anything close to resembling pizza. I'll never tell anyone to diet, and I will never go on another diet as long as I live. With all the crash dieting and the promotion of suspicious pills being sold by doctors and "health" distributors today, I just don't see how anyone even wants to be on a stinkin' diet. I would much rather eat pizza than diet. And, sure, people will read this and say that they need to lose weight or that they are happy eating rabbit food or doing a juice cleanse. All I have to say to those people is simply this: no. 

No. NO. NO. NO!

Like, do you even know what a diet is? Did you fall asleep during middle school health class on the day when they talked about nutrition and exercise and why the body needs food? Because I'm starting feel like no one really knows anything about the definition of a diet when they decide to "go on one," whatever that means. I just want to take a moment to look at the definition of "diet" according to whatever popped up when I googled "define diet," okay?

Hmm...

No, wait. That's not right...

That's better! 

For some stupid reason, people have forgotten that a diet is what you eat. That's it. Your diet is whatever the hell you stick in your mouth. So, yeah, that pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust you ate entirely by yourself last night was definitely on your diet. And that Chinese takeout you indulged in? It's on your diet too! But guess what! Those fruits and vegetables and 8 glasses of water you're supposed to be getting every day are also on your diet. Do you see what I'm getting at? Like those taco shell commercials, you can have both.

So, from now on, maybe people should stop this nonsensical "dieting" thing and just eat what is good for you while still eating some of the things you love. With a steady exercise regime and a positive attitude, you'll be way happier than if you were starving yourself or popping pills.

Your body needs food to function, guys. That's all I'm saying. Like they sing in that song about crossing the street on Barney & Friends, "I always stop, look, and listen, when I walk across the street." Do the same thing when your stomach cusses you out for not feeding it when it needs food.  Always listen to what your body is saying. It's full of secrets.

Also pizza. Sometimes. Always.

Stranger in the Mirror

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the person looking back. I've grown accustomed to seeing the same pudgy, greased, insecure girl in the reflection, but, recently, that image has changed drastically. The problem with altering your physical appearance after years of being in the same state that only changes with age is that there is a point when one day it is almost like nothing has changed at all and the next, you wake up and don't recognize the person in the mirror. It's frightening. Everyone else can see the change happen, but, due to the whole "I am with myself every second of every minute of every hour of every day," it takes time for your to see major changes.

For the last couple of months, I didn't see the difference between being 165 pounds and 145 pounds. I felt like I wasn't changing despite what the devilish numbers on the scale said. That's what the mirror told me, at least. I'd touch my shoulders, my collar bones, my ribcage, my hips, and I could feel bones that I'd never really felt before. It was like I was a little kid at a new and unfamiliar playground and I just wanted to find out what there was to see that I'd not seen previously. I wanted that adrenaline of touching untouched hot metal constructions. It was new and exciting to finally feel like I could figure out what my body was made of because before it was an ugly glob of cold mush that I had to lug around everywhere I went. I didn't understand that there was more to a body than cellulite and fat cells. Because that was all I had ever known.

This morning, I was sitting in my Professional Writing class (totally half-asleep due to the freaking time change), and I was starting to nod off when I looked down at my legs. Suddenly, I realized I had really small thighs. I was struck with this "Holy shit! When did I get these?" feeling. Then, just as fast as the image came, it disappeared. If you don't understand how one moment I can see one thing and the next, see something totally different, I can't explain that to you.

Sometimes, before I get in the shower, I'll look at myself in the mirror, and I'll catch a glimpse of how I am at the present time, and it's shocking. I probably almost cry every single time. Weight loss (and weight gain, depending on your circumstances) can be such an emotional experience for many, and I totally understand why. For better or worse, seeing the old, familiar machine that is your body change is like changing costume or reading from a new script. It's different, and many don't know how to react to such a drastic thing.

I finally feel like I understand (roughly, of course) what women and men with Body dysmorphic disorders see when they look at themselves. They see one thing when everyone tells them that they look like something else. Everyone can tell me that I'm tiny or thinner or that I look amazing, but I don't always see that. Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I see the girl I was almost a year ago. I know that's not the case, but the image is so real, that I understand why so many people believe it. 

I still love myself, though. I love my body. I cherish every bit of it. I love that I have full use of it. I love every scar, every hair, every stretch mark. Sure, I may not be able to witness every single pound shed and muscle grown with my eyes right away, but I have faith that one day, I'll see with clarity.

A body can be a cage sometimes. Yeah, like that Arcade Fire song, guys. But it's your cage. Make it a home, not a prison.