Angela & The Ferocious Bruce

For the last two years, I've pretty much had the most amazing partner-in-crime aka devil's advocate aka very best friend aka Bruce. Needless to say, I have no freaking idea where I'd be without this crazy fothamucka (what? you think I'd actually use that kind of vulgar language on my blog? what kind of girl do you think I am?) in my life. While, like everyone I know, he can make me think he's a total pain in my shrinking ass, there have just been too many awesome adventures and illegal questionable moments over time for me to get rid of him. Plus, he knows way too much. Gotta play it safe, right? 

Look at that posture! What a pro!

One of my favorite Bruce moments (like might possibly be number one, seriously) happened in the summer of 2011. We were hanging out, and he suddenly, for reasons I can't explain (so please don't ask me to!), had this ridiculous need to make pancakes. Holy shit. So, he goes to make these pancakes, and he's putting all of his mighty concentration into making these pancakes. And there I am laughing my pants off at him while he's trying to make the most perfect pancakes this world has ever seen. So, he's slaving away over his yummy meal, when he goes to flip the first pancake. I don't know what was going on his head when he decided to flip said pancake, but I don't think the pancake was prepared to be flipped how it was. It just seemed to fall apart into a big crumbled mess.

So, then he tries again with a second pancake, but, once again, his efforts failed. The second pancake turned out just as screwed up as the first. But, never fear, Bruce took his cooking like the man he is. He devoured that plate of orgasm-worthy pancakes like a real champ. And didn't share or offer any to me. 

Then, of course, there was the time when he forced me to watch a very terrifying movie called Insidious (which I do not recommend to anyone with eyes). Yes, for the record, I was forced against my own will to watch this very scary movie. I protested it the whole time. I probably sounded like a real wimp with all my begging and pleading for him to let us watch something happier... like pretty much anything but this one movie. I'm pretty sure there were actually times when he had me held down with his hands holding my head in the direction of the TV, but please don't quote me there. The entire time, I was on the line of peeing myself and actually dying from fright. And then the end (which I won't spoil for you because that'd be just cruel) came and BAM! I probably peed myself a little. Not even going to lie about that. And he made fun of me because I couldn't take the movie like a pro. Whatever. That movie was no tiptoe through the blasted tulips. I will never watch that movie ever again (ya know, in case you thought I enjoyed it or anything). But at least we added a super cool song to the soundtrack of our friendship, right? (aka Tiptoe Through the Tulips by Tiny Tim)

Yes, I did kick his ass. You can just tell from my face. 

We've been through so many good and bad times together, and I can't imagine having any of our experiences with anyone else. Our friendship isn't just the deformed pancakes or me being forced to participate in things against my own will. It's so much more than that. It's coming home passed my curfew smelling like cigarette smoke. It's walks to QuikTrip to get the donuts they just put out way too late at night. It's ditching Julia to go buy red shoes. It's getting way too drunk and then being hungover for a week. It's watching tortoises go crazy on each other at the zoo for a highly inappropriate amount of time.  It's the exchange of Stephen King novels. It's staying up until 6 am for the other just because that's what friends do. It's so much that I can't possibly fit it all into this one post. 

I think anyone who has a best friend understands that you can't put multiple years of friendship into words. Especially when, at one point or another, neither of you were truly in your right minds to make any smart decisions, let alone remember what you said or did (even if that means the other won't believe that they goosed you on St. Patty's Day while they were under the influence).

I'm just so happy that I get to have you as a part of my life, Bruce. I know that the last couple of months have been brutal (that actually might be downgrading it, so I apologize) for you, but I'm not planning to jump ship anytime soon (or ever, really). You're an amazing person and you care so much about the people in your life, and I couldn't have asked for a better best friend than you. 




So, happy 23rd birthday, Barnacle Puff. Let this year be a year full of laughs and adventure and chances to be the best you can be. You deserve that more than anyone. Love you, sweet pea.

Friendship Lesson Learned: No, that monkey doesn't have two asses, Angela. That's a female.