Broken Hearts for Teen Angst Me

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene"

So, I'm not even going to lie. I'm a little whole lot heartbroken to hear of the recent split-up of one of my favorite and most dear alternative ("emo") bands, My Chemical Romance. This band was really the first "I'm-so-angry-slit-my-wrists-don't-mind-my-eyeliner" music that I ever really took refuge in as my teen angst set in during the early high school years. I first heard of them through MySpace, which really shouldn't come as a surprise. After that, I was hooked. Even after I grew out of that dark, shitty and quite downplayed part of my life, this band was still one of my favorites and has remained a source of inspiration and encouragement to express myself through the last 5 years of my life.

Honestly, I really wasn't all that big of a tortured soul as a teenager. I just hated... well, everyone. I liked sitting in my bedroom (alone, of course) with the music playing way too loud. I liked wearing black and wasting my parent's hard-earned money on band t's at HotTopic. I read shitty Twilight novels and claimed to be "not a religious person" as a really pathetic form of rebellion against my mother (which is pure irony today!). All this started happening spring semester of 9th grade. I can't say what

Whoa. Who is that hottie with the smudged eyeliner? Oh wait. 

triggered me to go to the dark side (actually, it was probably frustration with the fact that I felt so invisible that I figured no one would notice if I turned to a blur of black) after pretending to be a pacifist and "modern day hippie" for the first half of the year, but it happened, and, well, it is safe to say that it is a little too damn late to change that.

But, back to my reflection on MCR. 

You see, tragedy happens. Sometimes you can see that kind of shit coming because the headlights are just way too damn bright and the horn is blaring "You can't run! You can't hide!". Other times.... It comes at you in the blink of a beautiful eye. 2008.... was a shitty year. And, on the scale of tragedy that I had at the time, it probably ranked at a decent 8. That was the year I was constantly bullied for being me. The year my uncle lost his battle with a brain tumor. The year I got braces. The year I let a shithead sophomore boy manipulate and destroy me. And, while I don't think some of those things are quite tragedy-worthy today, these were really big deals for me as a 15 year-old. I mean, all that plus really shitty math classes and horrible acne... C'mon.

But this band was a constant companion during those times. They were there to welcome me to a new day when I woke-up and served as a lullaby when I closed my eyes at night. During a time when nothing seemed reliable or secure, they were there.

Today, I don't need bands to save my life because I have really amazing people beside me at all times, but the music will always be there to add the proper soundtrack to get me through the best and worst times.  

Right now, as I am writing this, I'm listening to one of MCR's songs "Disenchanted" from their album The Black Parade, and somehow all the words work. Fit. Speak all the things that mattered when I first picked up the album almost 5 years ago today. Being a fan of this band... No... Being a believer in this band has changed my life, and I am infinitely proud to say that I have been a member of the Black Parade and a Killjoy. These talented men influenced a generation of once hopeless people, and they will never be forgotten.

Thank you: Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray.

"My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too. Because it is not a band -  it is an idea.”- Gerard Way