A Veritable Smorgasbord

This is so flattering. I know. Where are my boobs?

September means a lot of things, but, here in the great state of Oklahoma, it means the state fair is in our midsts! It's one of the few occasions when Oklahoma's larger individuals crawl from their homes to rent scooters to ride around on while they eat disgusting amounts of food for two weeks (other events may include concerts, festivals, and trips to buffets). Despite my disinterest in rides, games, and spending my money on things that aren't reasonably priced, I really like the fair (mostly because I get to take pictures with various farm animals without being judge too harshly by fellow human beings). This year, I went with my beautiful roommate, Hannah, and we saw some interesting things. Things I probably would never like to see again. Ever. 

Hannah and I both have our fair food quirks. We have designated foods for the state fair and then foods we save for the medieval fair in April. For me, it's all about the corn dogs and funnel cakes. Those two things are things I will basically ONLY eat at the state fair. Get me those things and you pretty much have control over me. I then save my turkey leg and kettle corn needs for the spring. Sure, if I had unlimited funds in my pocket to buy food, I'd probably eat a lot more interesting things like doughnut burgers and "taco in a bag," but until that happens, I'm sticking with the basics.  The real dilemma, though, is that no one wants to eat something questionable and get the shits at the fair. So, I'm literally walking around death valley looking at these vendor booths like:

Me: *sees pizza* Nope

Me: *sees gorgeous dairy-related things* Nope

Me: *sees something greasy and dipped in chocolate* Nope

Me: *sees hot guy eating dairy* Nope 

It's a lot of fun. 

At one point early on in your fair adventures, and I don't really remember what was happening at all when this other thing happened, but we basically almost walked straight into a guy who puked as he was walking towards us. It wasn't even chunky barf. In fact, I think it was just beer. Like, he just spat beer out onto the pavement. But it was in barf form. Needless to say, that was disgusting. 

We also got hit on at the same time by the same guy at a lemonade stand out in the middle of nowhere by the barns for farm animals. He asked if we were sisters and thought I was 17 (that's a new one, I must be aging). If it weren't for his unfortunate dental hygiene, I'm sure he would have hit it off with one of us, but.... ya know. Sorry, buddy.

But I think the highlight of the evening was when we got two helpings of wine slushie samples. We were never completely sure whether there was any alcohol at all in these little samples, but it sure did taste like wine. That's all I got to say about about that. 

Oh, and I dazzled my way into getting 3 dollars off a poster from a couple of Asian guys who thought I was "cute." Actually, the guy asked how much I had (because I didn't have enough to meet their price) and I lied and said I had $7 and he gave it to me. I actually had $9. Oops. 

So, as you can see, I have apparently gotten better looking, older looking, and cheaper since the last time I went to the fair. Yeah, I think that's some good improvements, guys. Hey, bonus is that next time I go to the fair (I mean, if I don't happen to somehow make it to the Tulsa State Fair) I'll be able to reenact that barf scene for myself because legally drinking. Woop!

 

The Julia Diaries

You could scrub a toilet with that hair!

So, my 15 year-old sister, Julia, is kind of a character of sorts. She's this weirdo who is obsessed with Broadway musicals and writing fanfiction about Wicked (the musical, not the book) and making Internet friends in Australia and in the states that no one cares about (Alaska? Really?). She has a social anxiety disorder, so she never leaves the house unless it is to walk to a gas station to buy a 32 oz fountain drink or a Red Bull. She has this totally weird obsession with caffeine and Hot Cheetos. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually related to her. But, somehow, we're always getting into the weirdest situations when we're together.

Back in July of 2012, she and I took a trip to New York City for a few days with our aunt. On the way there, we had a connecting flight in Memphis, Tennessee. So, Julia and I are totally awkward in public, so we're standing by a wall in the airport when suddenly we decide to have a totally way-too-inappropriate moment with each other. I don't know exactly what we were doing... Maybe just dancing? She was singing a sexual song, I think. Something about doing a little bump and grind, maybe? Then, suddenly, this guy who we swore was Jesus Christ walks by and gives us a look. Then he says the coolest thing we had ever heard: "You do what you got to do." I'm pretty sure we lost our shit at that. Also, this guy was on our flight to NYC, so we were unsure if that was a good or bad omen for the flight.

Julia and her all-time favorite novel

Oh and then there was the time I came home while the Tulsa State Fair was in town. I'd abandoned her that day because red shoes needed to be bought, so I tried to make it up to her by somehow convincing my best friend buy her a Coke and Rolos. So, we get back to my house, and we're standing out by the curb and trying to get her to come to get her goodies. After like half an hour of trying to persuade her, she finally comes out. Everything is cool but then.... things got a little ghetto.

This car (probably one of those cars with extra speakers in the trunk and a hydraulics system installed) filled with really suspicious-looking African-American gentleman pulls up next to us. We're kind of blocking part of the street at this point, but my best friend is like a millimeter away from this car passing, and he has no intention of moving his feet out of the way.

Best friend: *makes somewhat uncalled for comment about car of thugs passing by*
Ghetto thug car: *backs that thang up*
Ghetto thug car driver: Huh? What you say? We straight?
Julia and me: YES!!! WE STRAIGHT! WE ARE TOTALLY STRAIGHT!!
Ghetto thug car: *continues on down the road*

It's safe to say that that is the moment Julia and realized how straight we truly were. 

Did someone say "mustache?"

The coolest thing about Julia that can't be explained? Her instant popularity with all my friends at college. I'm still SO confused as to why these 20 year-old's think she is like the coolest person who ever lived. They think she's hilarious because she has the whole "I don't give a shit. L'chaim!" thing about her that kind of makes everyone want in on her secret club (that, let's face it, I'm the only member of). They see her interests and addictions and are just blown away by how rounded she is.

Maybe it's the way she cries at Robin Williams movies or the way she can belt out all the words to all the songs in Les Miserables. Maybe it's how she went to high school for one day and decided she was never going back (sounds like one of Taylor Swift's relationships!). Maybe it's the way she can comeback with the best lines in an argument. I don't know.

Julia might be a total weirdo who doesn't leave the house but manages to talk to strange Alaskans on the Internet, but she's still pretty cool. She's got big dreams and no ambition, but I know that she'll one day use all her quirks and unorthodox habits to become whatever she decides to be when the time comes. There's just something about Julia..... and I don't think anyone can really put a finger on it.