When The Girls Stop By For The Summer

Amen!

Well, it is very much official. I AM ON SUMMER VACATION, CAKE SNIFFERS! 

But, you know, I've still got that whole "perpetually unemployed" thing to resolve. We'll see what happens with that. But, other than that, I'm on vacation from EVERYTHING. And after the Hell of a semester I've just finished, I think I am pretty deserving of some major R&R and a big bag of Sour Patch Kids.

So, what are my plans for the summer? Nothing fancy or super exciting, I swear (ain't nobody got the money for that!). Actually, I don't really have plans. I'll probably just go with the flow, and take it one day at a time by sitting around complaining about the Oklahoma heat (no, not the Thunder, sorry) and  thinking about all the productive things I could potentially be doing instead of not sitting there doing nothing. But, I do have things I want to do (but that really means nothing because I always WANT to do things, but you know how it is). So, here's my "Optional Sensational Summer Bucket List" (Maybe you'll get some ideas as to what you might want to do with yourself this summer from how lame I really am).

1. Finish the book I've been reading for the last 2 months (The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, for the curious reader)
2. Dip into my feminine side and do some of those DIY Pinterest craft things (which would require me to actually get a Pinterest account to begin with. Ugh.)
3. Get a job (shut up)
4. Lose 7 pounds / go down a jean size
5. Hit up the library and check out the erotica section and read it in public without an ounce of shame
6. Learn to use chopsticks
7. Throw out all the high school stuff I've been hoarding for the last million years
8. Immerse myself in historic Oklahoma culture by doing one of my favorite things: going to museums
9. Find a new song to be stuck on that isn't "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys (♫ Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya..♫)
10. Take it easy

Pretty much

So, now you guys know how lame I am when I have no immediate responsibilities or a routine to uphold. Hey, what can I say? I'm a college student with repressed ambition. 

But, let's be serious, if I can't get a job, I'll probably spend my entire summer feeling ashamed that I'm not worthy of making money and that list will just die like the dreams of angry men. I'll be a little Gavroche crawling through the barricade to my untimely and under-appreciated death. I'LL BE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE AGAIN AND AGAIN! Can someone please do a parody of "Red and Black" for me about my first world struggles? Les Mis, man. 

I'm just Chandler Bing, guys. 

The Julia Diaries

You could scrub a toilet with that hair!

So, my 15 year-old sister, Julia, is kind of a character of sorts. She's this weirdo who is obsessed with Broadway musicals and writing fanfiction about Wicked (the musical, not the book) and making Internet friends in Australia and in the states that no one cares about (Alaska? Really?). She has a social anxiety disorder, so she never leaves the house unless it is to walk to a gas station to buy a 32 oz fountain drink or a Red Bull. She has this totally weird obsession with caffeine and Hot Cheetos. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually related to her. But, somehow, we're always getting into the weirdest situations when we're together.

Back in July of 2012, she and I took a trip to New York City for a few days with our aunt. On the way there, we had a connecting flight in Memphis, Tennessee. So, Julia and I are totally awkward in public, so we're standing by a wall in the airport when suddenly we decide to have a totally way-too-inappropriate moment with each other. I don't know exactly what we were doing... Maybe just dancing? She was singing a sexual song, I think. Something about doing a little bump and grind, maybe? Then, suddenly, this guy who we swore was Jesus Christ walks by and gives us a look. Then he says the coolest thing we had ever heard: "You do what you got to do." I'm pretty sure we lost our shit at that. Also, this guy was on our flight to NYC, so we were unsure if that was a good or bad omen for the flight.

Julia and her all-time favorite novel

Oh and then there was the time I came home while the Tulsa State Fair was in town. I'd abandoned her that day because red shoes needed to be bought, so I tried to make it up to her by somehow convincing my best friend buy her a Coke and Rolos. So, we get back to my house, and we're standing out by the curb and trying to get her to come to get her goodies. After like half an hour of trying to persuade her, she finally comes out. Everything is cool but then.... things got a little ghetto.

This car (probably one of those cars with extra speakers in the trunk and a hydraulics system installed) filled with really suspicious-looking African-American gentleman pulls up next to us. We're kind of blocking part of the street at this point, but my best friend is like a millimeter away from this car passing, and he has no intention of moving his feet out of the way.

Best friend: *makes somewhat uncalled for comment about car of thugs passing by*
Ghetto thug car: *backs that thang up*
Ghetto thug car driver: Huh? What you say? We straight?
Julia and me: YES!!! WE STRAIGHT! WE ARE TOTALLY STRAIGHT!!
Ghetto thug car: *continues on down the road*

It's safe to say that that is the moment Julia and realized how straight we truly were. 

Did someone say "mustache?"

The coolest thing about Julia that can't be explained? Her instant popularity with all my friends at college. I'm still SO confused as to why these 20 year-old's think she is like the coolest person who ever lived. They think she's hilarious because she has the whole "I don't give a shit. L'chaim!" thing about her that kind of makes everyone want in on her secret club (that, let's face it, I'm the only member of). They see her interests and addictions and are just blown away by how rounded she is.

Maybe it's the way she cries at Robin Williams movies or the way she can belt out all the words to all the songs in Les Miserables. Maybe it's how she went to high school for one day and decided she was never going back (sounds like one of Taylor Swift's relationships!). Maybe it's the way she can comeback with the best lines in an argument. I don't know.

Julia might be a total weirdo who doesn't leave the house but manages to talk to strange Alaskans on the Internet, but she's still pretty cool. She's got big dreams and no ambition, but I know that she'll one day use all her quirks and unorthodox habits to become whatever she decides to be when the time comes. There's just something about Julia..... and I don't think anyone can really put a finger on it.