Falling Without Recovery

Everyone and their mom is obsessed with falling in Love. The movies and TV shows and musical arrangements that fill the airwaves during daily drives to and from work are all full of Love stories that will either leave you curled up under your covers yearning to be touched in the best way or wanting to regurgitate the cold sweet and sour chicken you ate for lunch. The whole Love thing has become such an important force in the lives of pretty much everyone that it's even become like a big deal to tell someone that you love them in a way that's like "Yeah, I loved you before, but now I think I might want to only have sex with just you for the rest of my life." Funny how that happens, right? 

You could have asked high school Angela if she'd ever been in Love, and I can almost guarantee that she would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was stupid, though. I thought I was in Love with every guy who showed any kind of awareness of my existence or any guy who had moves on the astroturf field and do some kind of hair flip. But, let's face it, kids, that's just lust. And lust is Love's evil twin who only wants to give you herpes and a broken heart. 

I've grown up since then, and I'm not going to lie or do a fairy dance around the mushroom to avoid disclosing that I currently find myself caught between the sticky fingers of Love's iron fist. 

But I'm going to just say what no one else will say. Being in Love is shit. It's horrible. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. 

Some mornings you open your eyes and life is rainbows and puppies and fuzzy kittens sleeping on cotton candy clouds. Suddenly you feel like nothing could possibly go wrong, and you're so happy and just want to go tell it on the mountain so everyone knows about how you have all these feelings for this one insignificantly significant individual. You finally understand the hype about Love. Well, you think you understand. After all, you're pretty much walking around in the same puff of smoke that follows you around after you leave a really good concert or have just had a totally real conversation with Josh Groban. 

Other days, you're lucky if you can get up out of bed. Your chest hurts and you miss this other person more than anything ever. It feels like you're going to actually die. I suppose you could say they're the drug 12 steps wouldn't be enough to kick, and you feel like you're going through the most painful of withdrawals. Every song is suddenly about them, and every movie stars you.  You remember the possibilities of dying of a broken heart and you're nearly positive that that's how you'll die. And, finally, the story of Romeo and Juliet makes complete sense. Maybe those two lovebirds weren't as hormonally irrational as you once thought. 

Then there are days when you absolutely hate everything about this person. You sit there and think to yourself, "Why this person? Why now? Why couldn't I be feeling all this for the cute guy who works at Subway?" You hate the way they laugh, the way they drive too fast, the way they only want you when they drink, the way they look when they think you're not watching, the way they do just about everything. It all sucks for being so damn cute and appealing like a 6-pack of bitch beer on a Friday night. You wish they'd just leave so you could just move the frig on. Like, please get out of my life now. I can't take this. You're killing me slowly. 

But there are still those days when you feel like you're in one of those corny Nicholas Sparks novels, and you're totally invincible to the rest of the world through the power of Love. You love the fact that they're around. You love every little moment you have with them, and you realize how beautiful life is while they're with you. You see them from across the room, and your heart stops and you can't imagine having a more beautiful view. They touch you, and everything feels perfect. They hold you, and you feel the safest you've ever felt. They kiss you, and you wonder if you'll ever find anything that feels more right. And that's not even explaining the feeling at it's best. That's just skidding across the surface. 

The thing about Love, though, is that despite all the aching chests and awkward first kisses and the feeling of "how will I ever move on from this moment?", it's still pretty amazing. And that, kids, is the shittiest part. 

7 Methods of Procrastination

If you're not aware, I'm the queen of procrastination. I like to claim that it is only because I do my

best work at the last minute, but, honest to blog, I am just really lazy and like to put-off doing things so I  become too overwhelmed with things that suck. So, despite my humongous load of things to do just sitting in front of me waiting for me to throw it a bone, I decided to take some time to give some helpful suggestions on how to better your procrastination experience. After all, if you're going to procrastinate, you might as well do it with oomph rather than pffft. 

1. You know that band that you liked back when you were 15 and put lots of their music on your iTunes and haven't really touched any of it since you realized the lead singer looked like a horse? Metro Station, anyone? Mitchel Musso? Whoever it was, I think it is time for you to become reacquainted with your love for them. Turn up the tunes, go on their website to see if they've done anything of the slightest importance since you pushed them out of your mind and into a great black pit of high school embarrassment, and don't forget to tell all your Twitter and FaceBook friends what you're doing so they can join in on the fun. 

2. Watch all 6 seasons of LOST and do nothing else. Trust me, it will give your life so much meaning and deepness and you may learn a little bit of Korean and Latin in the process. Plus, you'll finally understand all the hype that surrounded the TV show back when it was on the air. Potentially, this could suck up a week or two of your life. 

3. Have a marathon of all the sappy Nicholas Sparks movies. From A Walk to Remember (with its amazing soundtrack that consists of basically only Switchfoot) to Safe Haven, take your emotions on a fun ride. Don't forget to grab some tissues and a pint of B&J's for added sappiness. 

4. Have a million hours to spare? Watch Les Miserables! That movie is great, but ridiculously long. Plus, hot guys and Anne Hathaway is a prostitute. YOLO! 

5. Two words. Sims 2/3/Medieval. You'll waste a good 30 minutes alone just creating your first Sim... and then there's building and decorating their home. Before you know it, you'll be in tomorrow! 

6. Take some new selfies in your bathroom! Instagram that ish and then upload to Facebook. Be sure to let the whole world know how ugly you think you look so the desperate and horny guys (who you don't even know, btw) you're FB friends with will comment and tell you how much they'd like to get to know you better. Works every single time, y'all. 

7. Make a list of things you could be doing instead of what you are supposed to be doing. Wait a second....

So, now you're all ready to avoid that paper you've been meaning to write or not do the pile of laundry that's currently scattered all over your floor. I know you can do it... or not do it? Either way, happy procrastinating!