My So-Called Singleness

We all know what today it, so I'm not going to put it in huge bolded letters. Okay, I'll do it anyway, just because you begged and pleaded on your knees. IT'S FRIDAY!

Lately, basically on every social networking site and billboard, people are complaining about Valentine's Day and how they're "#ForeverAlone" and they'll never find someone to spend the most socially constructed holiday with because they're the most disgusting human being to ever flop, wet and naked, out of someone's vagina. To those people I just have one thing to say: Shut up. Valentine's Day doesn't mean shit. It is literally just another day of the year that you can do whatever the hell you want to do without it being special. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it's not attractive, and that's probably why you're single. Log off Facebook, get off your butt, and go out and meet people, okay? Trust me, you'll survive a day out in the real world.

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about myself (finally).

Despite my sisters' suspicions that I have a "secret boyfriend," I am going to admit and confirm here (because my blog is a primary source for this kind of information) that I am single. And, by single, I mean that I am not presently in an official, committed relationship with anyone. But, please, GOD ALMIGHTY PLEASE, do not go out to set me up with your cousin with bacne because I am taken.

Wait, what? 

I'm about to say something that people don't seem to understand. You can be in love with someone who you're not in a relationship with. Shocking, I know! Actually, you can feel and do a lot of things without being in a relationship with someone. As long as you're respecting yourself and not out ruining lives, whatever you do is cool. For me, I am emotionally and mentally unavailable for courting, impregnation, and wiring you money to a bank in an unknown Middle Eastern country, and I have been for a while. This pretty much means that if you approach me in a "I find dates on OKCupid because that's the only place girls will fool around with me out of desperation" kind of way, it's going to go a little like this:

Some guy I kind of know: So, you should totally come back to my place and check out the new drapes in my bedroom and drink something that'll get you loose and wasted.
Me: Listen, bud, I'm kind of involved with someone right now.
Some guy I kind of know: Oh, but your Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter all say you're single.
Me: Yeah, but trust me. I'm off the market.
Some guy I kind of know: Who is it? Do I know them?
Me: Probably not. He went to jail for beating up this one guy who hit on me. He's kind of the jealous type.

Okay, so it doesn't actually go like that, but you get the point.

The truth is that love is complicated. You should never feel pressured into being in a relationship unless it's the right time for you and the other person. For me, that time has not come because life is complicated and I am personally not ready to jump on the back of some guy's Harley and ride off into the sunset. I have too much on my plate and too many therapy sessions to attend before I'll feel like that's something I should be doing.

To be honest, I hate talking about my "love life" because people always try to complicate the things that are simple. They can't take the honest truth because there has to be a catch or something I'm not sharing.  Sure, I do keep things to myself because I (and anyone else involved) have a right to privacy and because it is really none of your business.

And, for those wondering, I'm happy with the way things are right now. I'm grateful for the time I have with the company I have, and that's all a girl needs. Who needs flowers and chocolates that'll eventually give me diarrhea and a changed relationship status on Facebook when I've got all this love and beauty in my life? Flowers will die eventually. Chocolates will be eaten. Facebook will become extinct just like MySpace.

Love and beauty are immortal as long as you keep your eyes wide open.