Broken Hearts for Teen Angst Me

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene"

So, I'm not even going to lie. I'm a little whole lot heartbroken to hear of the recent split-up of one of my favorite and most dear alternative ("emo") bands, My Chemical Romance. This band was really the first "I'm-so-angry-slit-my-wrists-don't-mind-my-eyeliner" music that I ever really took refuge in as my teen angst set in during the early high school years. I first heard of them through MySpace, which really shouldn't come as a surprise. After that, I was hooked. Even after I grew out of that dark, shitty and quite downplayed part of my life, this band was still one of my favorites and has remained a source of inspiration and encouragement to express myself through the last 5 years of my life.

Honestly, I really wasn't all that big of a tortured soul as a teenager. I just hated... well, everyone. I liked sitting in my bedroom (alone, of course) with the music playing way too loud. I liked wearing black and wasting my parent's hard-earned money on band t's at HotTopic. I read shitty Twilight novels and claimed to be "not a religious person" as a really pathetic form of rebellion against my mother (which is pure irony today!). All this started happening spring semester of 9th grade. I can't say what

Whoa. Who is that hottie with the smudged eyeliner? Oh wait. 

triggered me to go to the dark side (actually, it was probably frustration with the fact that I felt so invisible that I figured no one would notice if I turned to a blur of black) after pretending to be a pacifist and "modern day hippie" for the first half of the year, but it happened, and, well, it is safe to say that it is a little too damn late to change that.

But, back to my reflection on MCR. 

You see, tragedy happens. Sometimes you can see that kind of shit coming because the headlights are just way too damn bright and the horn is blaring "You can't run! You can't hide!". Other times.... It comes at you in the blink of a beautiful eye. 2008.... was a shitty year. And, on the scale of tragedy that I had at the time, it probably ranked at a decent 8. That was the year I was constantly bullied for being me. The year my uncle lost his battle with a brain tumor. The year I got braces. The year I let a shithead sophomore boy manipulate and destroy me. And, while I don't think some of those things are quite tragedy-worthy today, these were really big deals for me as a 15 year-old. I mean, all that plus really shitty math classes and horrible acne... C'mon.

But this band was a constant companion during those times. They were there to welcome me to a new day when I woke-up and served as a lullaby when I closed my eyes at night. During a time when nothing seemed reliable or secure, they were there.

Today, I don't need bands to save my life because I have really amazing people beside me at all times, but the music will always be there to add the proper soundtrack to get me through the best and worst times.  

Right now, as I am writing this, I'm listening to one of MCR's songs "Disenchanted" from their album The Black Parade, and somehow all the words work. Fit. Speak all the things that mattered when I first picked up the album almost 5 years ago today. Being a fan of this band... No... Being a believer in this band has changed my life, and I am infinitely proud to say that I have been a member of the Black Parade and a Killjoy. These talented men influenced a generation of once hopeless people, and they will never be forgotten.

Thank you: Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray.

"My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too. Because it is not a band -  it is an idea.”- Gerard Way 

The Music of My Life

With the reformation and return of the almighty Fall Out Boy  this passed week, I can't help but get a little a nostalgic for middle school and high school jams. I've been thinking a lot of about all the bands  I've been into over the years, and I realize how shitty my taste in music has been and will probably to be as I grow older and lose my connects to the current music scene of the future. Sure, I'll admit that not everyone will like my taste in music, but who really cares?

Pretty sure I had this poster....

My first official concert was *NSYNC in St.Louis, Missouri, on the PopOdyssey Tour when I was like 6 years-old. I remember having seats in like the middle of freaking nowhere in the back and not being able to see a damn thing because I was short for my age (Screw that, I'm still short for my age). I totally still have a t-shirt (that totally fits!) that's got holes in the pits from the concert. But the first concert I actually remember and was old enough to enjoy was The All-American Rejects  (still my babies 7 years late, by the way) and Fall Out Boy in Norman, Oklahoma, in the 7th grade. That concert was legit, guys. Like, my hormone-filled mind thought that was like the most amazing night ever because I finally got to see my favorite band live after liking them for almost 2 years. Dream come freaking true!
Fun fact #1: My sister, her at-the-time boyfriend, and I left in the middle of FOB's set because we only knew like 3 songs. No shame. 

Fun fact #2: I've seen The All-American Rejects 3 times and met them finally in April 2012 at a show in Oklahoma City. 

Okay, here's where things get rocky. In middle school, I also had the hots for Jesse McCartney and his "Beautiful Soul" and his straight-from-the-beach look. To this day, I own 3 of his CD's and some kind of DVD that I've probably never watched in the 7 years I've owned it. I also had a thing for Avril Lavigne and some bands that one of my older sisters was into (I'll never admit that I liked her music, though. Sorry Lisa!)

Check out that Jewfro! 

Then right before freshman year of high school, I fell in love with 3 brothers from New Jersey (Shore). Y'all know who I'm talking about. The Jonas Brothers! They were key figures in my life for about 3 years. In that time, my dad spent way too much money on merchandise (they were like cheap Jews or something. L'Chaim!) and concert tickets for my sisters and me. I saw them 3 times in concert (it totally would have been 4 times if Hannah stupid Montana hadn't caused the show to sell out in like 1.5 milliseconds). I went through so much bullying from my peers because of this obsession. It probably would have lasted until senior year, too, if the boys hadn't broken up and Nick hadn't gone and ruined Broadway and Joe hadn't lost his virginity to everyone and Kevin hadn't gotten married and lost his virginity to an Italian. I'll wait for you, Nick. 

Then came my obsession with Michael Jackson in 2009. While my family will report that I wasn't into him until he was a stiff, cold one, I can speak the truth and say that I actually got into him really late in December 2008 (I'm just calling it 2009 because why not? This is my blog). This craze has passed significantly. And that's all. He's still got a place in my iTunes library, though.

Hanson circa 2010: MMM-Sexy

Around the same time in 2009, My Chemical Romance and a bunch of "emo" bands blew up my headphones. It was a dark year. They're still pretty good. Then I got into Josh Groban and Hanson in 2010 and 2011. I also returned to the brief 6 months or so that I liked Switchfoot (They "dared me to move", if you know what I mean) but this time I went at it at 88 mph and I saw some serious shit happen.

So, basically, you can love or hate my music selection. I don't care. Just don't ask me to make you a playlist or mix-CD because you'll probably find something out of the small sample of my music history I've just presented here. I still like bits and pieces of all this stuff. After all, I grew up on this music, and I have a lot of great memories because of music. So don't hate.

What embarrassing music phases did you go through?