Oh! The People You'll Meet At The Gym!

I'm a frequent frequenter (five stars for redundancy) of the gym. Like, I go maybe 5 times a week, so that's a lot of times and a lot of my time spent with sweaty strangers. And, over the course of my lifetime at the gym, I've seen a lot of types of people huffing and puffing and grunting beside me. I've actually come to categorize these people because, well, when you're just walking up an incline for an hour, you get really bored and need things to keep your mind busy.

So, I present to you: the people you'll meet at the gym.

1. The foreigners who don't understand the custom of wearing deodorant. Yes, I know that sounds terrible when you really think about it, but seriously. You are in America now. We have deodorant everywhere you can buy pretty much anything because people like to smell good. Now, because you don't wear deodorant when you workout, you smell like goat testicles. Okay, I don't actually know what goat testicles smell like, but I am sure that they don't smell like a walk through the freaking tulips. So, if you go into a gym in an area that is populated by people from other countries or just really any country where large quantities of body hair is popular, you're probably going to run into a few people who smell really freaking bad.

2. The bodybuilders who look like they have seriously been lifting weights since they moonwalked out of their mother's hooha. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. I'm totally cool with the fact that they have muscles bigger than my head, but damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. How? Or, an even better question, where do you find shirts and pants that fit your humongous muscles? Well, I'm sure if I had their bodies, I just wouldn't even bother buying clothes. I'd just be like "Yo, check out my pectorals and other muscles that I don't know the names of! Bow down, puny peasants!" I mean, sure, it's a little intimidating. Like, I look over at the bodybuilders when I'm doing resistance training and I feel like I might as well not even try because look at their muscles. If you're like me, you might want to stay away from the big shots.

3. The girls who are going to run a 12 minute mile so they can feel slightly better about the amount of beer they'll be consuming that night. Yeah, I know what you're doing. After so many people plop down on the treadmill next to me and all do 12 minutes on it, I kind of get the picture. I mean, girl, I get it. I'd do the same thing if I had the social expectations of thirsty thursday riding on my gluts every week, but seriously. There are other things you can do besides that mile. I'm just saying. Yes, I know, I'm a gym snob. Sue me.) Plus, your hair looks way too neat for you to be at the gym. And are you wearing Chanel right now? But at least they didn't give in to pole dancing to burn their calories. Hola!

4. The people who are only at the gym because they decided to stick to their New Year's resolution. Finally, someone is saying it. I am totally supportive of the fresh meat that walks through the doors of the gym at the beginning of the year. I think that is fantastic that they are up for getting fit and healthy despite the unbelievable amounts of doughnuts and Big Mac's they ate the previous year. And, hey look, it's April and you're they're still here. That's even more impressive. I applaud your effort! And bonus points for not doing your hair or makeup before you came!

5. Old people! Okay, this is my favorite thing to see at the gym. Especially when it's elderly couples that exercise together. It kind of melts my inner bits and pieces every single time I see them. And what gets me is that they go hard when they workout. Like, they are there to win the gold and whoop some youthful ass with their age spots and war tattoos. They don't even have earbuds and an iPod. They are just loose skin and bones. And it's damn adorable. 

So, if you think you won't fit in at the gym and so you don't go, shut up. There are some real freaks at the gym. Myself included. So, just get up off your ass and go break a sweat. And, please for the love the good Lord upstairs, put on some deodorant. The world will thank you for that!